Sometimes you just feel like hot garbage. Other times, you feel like eating hot garbage.

Wait, stay with me here!

Good Garbage

Though I’ve long been an outspoken proponent of eating trash, salvaging scraps and otherwise wasted food, I’m talking about something else entirely here. “Garbage” is a term used more liberally in this case, as a flippant descriptor of such an unapologetically messy, overloaded pile of fried potatoes. Not every meal needs to be gorgeous to have instant appeal. It’s perfect for when comfort food cravings become increasingly urgent, overriding any concerns about sticky fingers or hot sauce stains.

My hot garbage fries were inspired by the silly little plastic trash can vessel, to be perfectly honest, but probably work even better on a plate. Every crispy plank of fluffy fried potato should be saturated with the mess on top; a creamy, spicy sauce, meatless steak, crunchy onions, and sliced jalapeños for a final fiery bite. The combination is so simple, so obvious, that it feels redundant to write out a full recipe… And yet, it does serve as a helpful reminder that yes, it is precisely that simple and obvious.

Make Your Own Mess

Use this blueprint to build your own French fry dumpster fire upon. A few quick and easy swaps include:

• Vegan Steak: As a luxury item, this isn’t one I often have on hand either. Any beef-like plant-based protein works beautifully (or sloppily?) here, such as crumbled veggie burgers, chopped seitan, meatless grounds, or even old fashioned TVP chunks.
• Yellow Onion: Some people don’t appreciate the raw edge of an uncooked onion, and while they’re wrong, that’s okay. Use sliced scallions or chives for the same allium essence, minus the harsh sinus stinging.
• Cilantro: Similarly, some poor souls process the flavor of cilantro as being akin to soap. My condolences. Either omit it or try using fresh basil for a flavorful change of pace.
• Jalapeños: If you want to really pump up the heat, opt for peppers that fall high on the Scoville scale, such as serranos, habaneros, or scotch bonnets. Proceed with caution!

Trash is Cash

Next time you’re having a trashy day, don’t fight it. Lean into the hot mess with an equally chaotic, disorderly, and satisfyingly sloppy pile of hot garbage fries. If it’s so bad that you need a good cry, you can always blame the hot peppers, too.

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Yield: Makes 8 Servings

Hot Garbage Fries

Print

Go ahead, eat garbage. Plant-based hot garbage fries are the satisfying sloppy, spicy comfort food you didn't know you needed.

Prep Time 10 minutes

Cook Time 25 minutes

Total Time 35 minutes

Ingredients

Hot Garbage Sauce:

• 1/2 Cup Vegan Mayonnaise
• 1/4 - 1/3 Cup Sriracha
• 2 Teaspoons Spicy Brown Mustard
• 1/2 Teaspoon Soy Sauce or Liquid Aminos
• 1/2 Teaspoon Onion Powder
• 1/2 Teaspoon Garlic Powder
• 1/2 Teaspoon Cayenne Pepper
• 1/2 Teaspoon Ground Black Pepper

Loaded Fries

• 8 Ounces Vegan Steak, Crumbled Veggie Burgers, Chopped Seitan, or Rehydrated TVP
• 2 Pounds Frozen French Fries, Any Variety, Prepared
• 1/2 Cup Sliced Jalapeños, Fresh or Pickled
• 1/2 Cup Finely Diced Yellow Onions
• 1/2 Cup Roughly Chopped Fresh Cilantro
• Smoked Paprika or Cayenne Pepper, to Taste
• Additional Sriracha, if Desired

Instructions

1. To make the sauce, simply mix all the ingredients together in a large bowl until smooth, adding more or less sriracha to suit your tastes. Transfer to a squeeze bottle for easier application, or keep on the side in a little dish for dipping.
   
   
2. To assemble the fries, cook your protein of choice until lightly browned on the outside. Chop, tear, or crumble it into bite-sized pieces.
   
   
3. Spread the hot French fries out on a plate. Top liberally with the hot garbage sauce, cooked protein, jalapeños, onions, and cilantro. Sprinkle with smoked paprika or cayenne pepper and finish off with a touch of additional sriracha if you want more of a burn. Enjoy immediately, with any extra sauce on the side for dipping.

Notes

Any leftover hot garbage sauce can be kept in an airtight container in the refrigerator for about 1 week.

Recommended Products

Please note that some of the links above are affiliate links, and at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you decide to make a purchase after clicking through the link. I have experience with all of these companies and I recommend them because they are helpful and useful, not because of the small commissions I make if you decide to buy something through my links.

• 
  Eat Meati Frozen Classic Steak - 8.5oz
• 
  Organic Sriracha Hot Sauce by Yellowbird
• 
  Chosen Foods, Classic Vegan Mayo, 12 fl oz

Nutrition Information:

Yield:

8

Serving Size:

1
Amount Per Serving: Calories: 410Total Fat: 21gSaturated Fat: 4gTrans Fat: 0gUnsaturated Fat: 13gCholesterol: 29mgSodium: 643mgCarbohydrates: 41gFiber: 4gSugar: 4gProtein: 17g

All nutritional information presented within this site are intended for informational purposes only. I am not a certified nutritionist and any nutritional information on BitterSweetBlog.com should only be used as a general guideline. This information is provided as a courtesy and there is no guarantee that the information will be completely accurate. Even though I try to provide accurate nutritional information to the best of my ability, these figures should still be considered estimations.