Where The Buffalo Roam

No contest, buffalo wings are the painful pleasure most likely to make the MVP list at Super Bowl parties across the nation. From dive bars to family dinners, there’s truly no wrong place or time to put a wing on it. Cauliflower has somehow become the go-to alternative for vegan eaters, perhaps owing to their inherently neutral flavor, accessibility, or compact florets that hold on to that fiery hot sauce brilliantly. Whatever the reason, I’m here for it.

What Are The Alamo Drafthouse Cauliflower Wings?

Vegan Cauliflower Buffalo Wings were one of the hottest recipes to come out of the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema kitchens. The (no longer) secret formula was graciously released to starved movie-lovers in the early days of the pandemic. At least that’s one good thing to come from the initial lock down. Now, as they say, the show must go on. After a triumphant return, it’s absolutely a luxury to enjoy these spicy morsels from their place of origin, illuminated by the glow of the screen. Forget dry, stale popcorn; this is a substantial snack that could easily become the main event of the matinee.

That recipe is still a golden opportunity for innovation at home. Using the Alamo approach to kick-start the process, I daresay we can build an even better buffalo wing with just a little work.

How Can You Make Alamo Drafthouse Buffalo Cauliflower Even Better?

  • Replace mushy frozen cauliflower with fresh.
  • Cut the all-purpose flour with cornstarch for a crispier finish.
  • Add more savory seasonings to the flour coating.
  • Use any unsweetened non-dairy milk instead of soy for flexibility.
  • Make a more well-rounded, seasoned sauce than using just straight hot sauce.
  • Replace the thyme in the ranch dressing with dill, because who does that?

Granted, with all those modifications, it’s a substantially different recipe. To be frank, I find it very unlikely that the “real” version starts with frozen cauliflower in the first place, so maybe I’ve hit a better formula to come closer to the original, in an odd, roundabout sort of way. Regardless, it brings this vinegary, spicy snack to life in brilliant color. That should easily earn two thumbs up from the critics.

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Bloody Good Show

Some may consider mimosas the official drinks of brunch, but a strong Bloody Mary makes a compelling case for the title. Savory instead of sweet, the full-bodied tomato juice is a much more substantial base to alleviate a hangover from the previous night. Factor in a bold punch of spice, and that classic combination can instantly jolt you straight out of any lingering lethargy.

Let’s zoom in on that subtle heat for a minute. What if we replaced standard-issue Tabasco with something more complex? The American staple is fine for a gentle burn, but let’s be honest: It’s a one-note flavor, without depth or nuance. Kimchi, on the other hand, delivers a wide range of tasting notes, working in harmony to create something far greater than the sum of its parts. Funky, briny, salty, sweet, umami, pungent, and yes, spicy, it’s one of my favorite condiments and meal starters.

Add a shot of vodka and now we’re talking. Inspired by another cocktail from Neighborhood Goods, their original kimchi cocktail takes advantage of luxe liquid kimchi, crafted with all the elements of everyone’s favorite ferment, minus the cabbage. My take doesn’t stray too far but offers a cheap shortcut that includes the vegetables and all. Now you can call it a superfood, right?

Do not skip on the salted rim. Despite the fact that we’re essentially added blended pickles into the mix, it still needs that final high note of pure saline for balance.

How To Make A Perfect Salt Rim

Applying a delicate ring of salt round your glass isn’t rocket surgery, but it does take a certain finesse.

  1. Take a lime wedge and run the slice around the rim of your glass.
  2. Place coarse or flaky salt in a shallow dish.
  3. Dip the rim of your glass in the salt. Roll it around gently to make sure it’s fully coated.
  4. Fill with ice and pour in your cocktail. Enjoy!

Let’s Talk Liquor

Traditionally, a Bloody Mary calls for vodka. Neutral, smooth, and inoffensive, it’s an easy go-to that always plays well with others. If you wanted to switch up the routine to match with this Asian inspiration, soju is your new best friend. Comparable on many fronts, it’s clear, colorless, and has a high ABV that can reach upwards of 50% for some bottles. What sets it apart is a mild sweetness that can offset the fiery kimchi beautifully. There’s a wide range of options for soju, many of which have added sugar and fruity flavors, which are fun for drinking solo or mixing into sweeter cocktails, but should be avoided in this case.

A proper Bloody Mary is almost like a meal in a glass, even without a wild garnish that includes the entire contents of you fridge and pantry. You can start your day with this invigorating eye-opener any day of the week by simply replacing the alcohol with mushroom stock or vegetable broth, too. Now that’s what I’d call bloody good.

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Congee Is The Cure

Have you ever eaten something that was spicy enough to wake the dead? Though not for the weak of stomach, that might be just what the doctor ordered.

That was the literal inspiration for this recipe, glutinous rice porridge, AKA congee. Of course, the original dish is incredibly mild, sometimes seasoned only with a pinch of salt, if that. Meant to soothe an upset stomach, it’s classic sick day food that’s easy to digest and gently nurse the unwell back to health. Now I’m beginning to think that the opposite approach might be more effective.

Mo Dao Zu Shi (魔道祖师) is far from a food-focused donghua, but stick with me here. The protagonist, Wei Wuxian, is known to make his meals unbearably spicy, to the point that you’d think one’s spirit would depart their body after a single bite. This turns out to be an asset that ultimately cures those suffering from corpse poisoning.

There’s good sense to back this theory up. Hot peppers have genuine medicinal properties granted by that characteristic burn. Capsaicin is the compound responsible for its culinary prowess and health benefits.

What are the benefits of capsaicin?

  • For short term pain relief, biting into a blisteringly hot food releases endorphins, creating a mild “high” and dampening other discomforting sensations, like headaches, joint pain, and beyond.
  • Chili peppers are great for improving heart health! Studies have shown they can reduce inflammation, lower cholesterol, and increase blood flow.
  • Stress less with a calming dose of B-complex vitamins such as niacin, pyridoxine (vitamin B-6), riboflavin and thiamin (vitamin B-1). Deficiencies in these vitamins can lead to added anxiety or trouble regulating moods over time.
  • Have tissues handy because this stuff will clear out your sinuses and ease congestion. Plus, capsaicin has antibacterial properties which are effective in fighting and preventing chronic sinus infections.

Most importantly, this is medicine you’ll WANT to take.

Toppings for congee are entirely up to the eater. Creamy rice porridge can do no wrong as a gracious base for anything your heart desires. Aromatic ginger and garlic are a classic starting foundation, amplified by savory, salty soy sauce.

Consider the following ideas to customize you own invigorating and restorative hellbroth:

  • Shiitake mushrooms are brilliant here, chopped finely to infuse every grain with umami.
  • To satiate a heartier appetite, bulk it up with plant proteins, like baked or braised tofu, or cooked beans.
  • Add textural contrast with toasted pine nuts or slivered almonds.

The only non-negotiable is the chili crisp. This is what transforms a bowl of mush into a downright addictive meal. While it’s tempting to eat it straight from the jar, try to keep at least a 1:1 ratio of chili crisp to congee, for the sake of your stomach.

Whether it’s a cold, flu, or corpse poisoning, this flaming hot chili crisp congee will cure what ails you.

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On the Lamb

In English, Rogan Josh sounds like it could be a proper legal name. It’s fitting for a dish with such distinct character and personality. They’re the person that everyone talks about candidly, in any company, with open admiration. Have you met my friend here, Rogan Josh, before? If you haven’t, I’d love to formally introduce you.

What is Rogan Josh/Roghan Ghosht?

Known today as a staple of Kashmiri Indian cuisine, the dish originated in Persia. The words themselves can be translated to “butter” and “stew,” although that strikes me as a curious way of burying the lede. Sure, ghee is applied generously for tempering the spices and sauteing the vegetables, but it’s far from the main character of this story. Meat is at the heart of this highly aromatic stew, typically in the form of lamb (mutton) or goat. Braised in a crimson red bath of chilies, low and slow, sometimes for hours before serving, I wonder if the “butter” here refers instead to how it becomes so tender that it practically melts in your mouth?

Plant-based meat has the clear advantage here. Seitan, AKA wheat meat, can cook in a fraction of the time while soaking in that intensely spicy broth like a high-protein sponge. Working in concert with equal parts Sugimoto Shiitake mushrooms, you get the hearty umami flavor and chewy caps for a perfect hearty bite. Donko shiitake have the ideal texture for this kind of application, both blending in seamlessly enhance to unique the rich palate of spices and standing out as the drumbeat moving the parade forward. Even the water used to soak and rehydrate the mushrooms gets put to good use, maximizing every drop of savory potential.

What Can Be Used Instead of Seitan?

If gluten is a concern, fear not. There are plenty of other plant-based proteins that would be excellent alternatives, such as:

  • Soy curls or chunks
  • Chopped tempeh
  • Cubed extra- or super-firm tofu
  • Vegan beef chunks or strips
  • Cooked chickpeas

Typically, the creamy component in this curry comes from plain yogurt, but I wanted something that would further bolster the lamb-like impact here. A big part of what makes game meat so distinctive is a unique grassy flavor, since they’re free to graze on wild grasses, of course. While that’s usually a negative aspect that cooks try to downplay, I’m bringing it back in to imitate that tasting experience. Hemp seeds have a similar earthy aspect, like a fresh bale of hay, which works in our favor this time around. Blended to a smooth consistency alongside tart, unsweetened yogurt, we get the best of all worlds.

What Does Rogan Josh Taste Like?

It’s hard to accurately describe the full volume flavor of the finished tomato curry sauce, but it’s one you’ll never forget. For the heat-seekers and hot sauce fanatics, this song is going out to you. Tune is melodious, haunting at first, like something familiar but long forgotten. Slowly the intensity grows, rising to a crescendo until you’re on the dance floor, electrified by the sensation. In other words, keep a tall glass of non-dairy milk nearby to douse the flames, or consider scaling back on the kashmiri chili powder in the first place.

What Can You Serve with Rogan Josh?

It would be a crime to let any of that luscious sauce go to waste. While it’s a complete dish that’s fully capable of standing alone on the dinner table, it’s even better with a side to soak up every last drop. My favorite options include:

To combat the fiery heat, some refreshing contrasting flavors help, such as:

  • Cucumber salad
  • Raita or plain, unsweetened yogurt
  • Mango lassi

Despite starting with melted coconut milk instead of clarified dairy, there’s no denying the downright decadent and impossibly buttery results. Simply having a well-stocked spice rack is more than half the battle in all good cooking. Knowing how and when to apply the umami power of shiitake mushrooms takes care of the rest.

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Devil in Disguise

Of all the pasta shapes in the world, which do you think is the worst, and why is it always angel hair? Meant to approximate the gossamer-thin strands of hair that only an angel could boast, such a divine name is entirely antithetical to its behavior on the plate. Let cooked noodles sit for just a second too long and all hell will break loose. Suddenly, those golden threads transform into bloated, tangled knots of dough. Gummy, gluey, supersaturated with sauce, it’s like they never even knew the term “al dente.”

Angel hair, AKA capellini, has never been my first choice. Nor would it be my second, third, fourth… I think you get the picture. It barely even registers on my hierarchy of pasta, and yet, I recently ended up with a box in my pantry. My trusty pasta maker went down at exactly the same time there was an apparent pasta shortage in local stores, so my choice was angel hair or nothing. Out of desperation, I said my prayers and tried to trust in fate.

One benefit to angel hair is that it does cook quickly; even more quickly than most manufacturers suggest. Start testing it after one minute at a full boil, leaving it on the heat for no longer than two. Then, overall success depends entirely on not just draining out the hot liquid, but then rinsing it in cold water. While this would be a sin for most noodles, stripping away the excess starch necessary for making rich sauces that cling as a velvety coating, it’s a sacrifice we must make for preserving any toothsome texture.

General advice is to pair angel hair with only the lightest, most delicate of sauces, such as pesto or plain olive oil. I’m sorry, but is an eternity in heaven supposed to be this boring? If we have to eat angel hair, I think it’s time we embrace a more devilish approach.

Seitan is the obvious protein of choice; what else is as wickedly savory, heart, and downright decadent in the right sauce? Speaking of which, this one is scant, just barely coating each strand while cranking up the flavor to full blast. There’s no need to drown the noodles in a watered-down dressing when this concentrated, fiery seasoning mix does the trick. Spiked with gochujang and smoked paprika, it glows a demonic shade of red, balancing out heat with nuanced flavor.

To embrace angel hair is to accept a more fiendish path to salvation. Don’t be afraid; a little seitan worship never hurt anyone.

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