Category: Crochet

Of all the world’s confections, hard candies are perhaps the most misunderstood. Typically uncomplicated in flavor and shape, unvaried in texture, and flat out boring to eat, I’m sure that we’re all guilty of a certain prejudice against the simple sugar concoctions. As a younger candy connoisseur, plain lollipops and suckers were always the last thing left in my Halloween stash, gathering dust for months on end until the next Halloween rolled around and the unwanted plastic- and foil-wrapped sweets would meet a sad end in the trash can. While I can now appreciate the occasional peppermint or lemon drop, I would still pass them up in a heartbeat if offered any sort of alternative.

Normally the existence of these plain-jane treats wouldn’t even cross my mind, but it just so happened that I was cleaning up the pantry the other day and discovered an old bin of candies. Brightly colored wrappings protected their sweet treasures, waiting patiently for an open mouth. Perhaps leftover from a couple years of holidays long gone, it was really such a shame to dump every last one only because they were hard candies. Sure they were old enough to see a few birthdays pass, but they were still perfectly good!

Scattering a handful across the table to get a better look, amidst the riff-raff there was one large peppermint in particular to be quite eye-catching. Observing big the bright white and red stripes carefully formed in a pleasing array, I couldn’t believe how this one had escaped me earlier. Just big enough that it might need to be smashed before fitting in one’s mouth, this was no sweet nothing to be whispered in one’s ear; It practically screamed of substance and body.

Sure, it’s nothing special in terms of taste, but sometimes it’s the simpler things in life that bring us pleasure. While the rest of that stash met its fate in the garbage, this one was worth definitely savoring.

Grocery shopping at my local rinky-dink super market is more often an exercise in frustration than an opportunity to acquire the new, inspiring ingredients I yearn for. Forget about finding esoteric ingredients like lychees or even enoki mushrooms- This store doesn’t even stock the humble vanilla bean with regularity! Don’t bother asking the employees about the possibility of special orders or simply diversifying their offerings either, because they are so completely incompetent that they can barely keep track of their selection as it is. Case in point, not too long ago there was one particularly disturbing incident in which the cashier was mystified by the fuzzy orange spheres I presented to him, that he couldn’t even figure out what they were. Explaining that those oddities were apricots of all things only complicated matters, as to his knowledge, apricots were only dried. Can you imagine, little shriveled up fruits growing on the tree, pre-dried…? …I still have nightmares about this one.

But I digress. Managing to escape with a few odds and ends that are potentially edible, you would think that the whole ordeal is over, but you would be painfully mistaken. Countless times have I arrived home feeling triumphant, only to discover that choice purchases were missing from my brown paper bags, overlooked by those helpful workers and left carelessly on the belt.

Even weirder yet is when items that had never once entered my cart end up mixed in with my other acquisitions. Sometimes this actually turns out to be a pleasant bonus, one which I graciously accept as an apology for the typically dismal service. Other times, however, I feel like this store just has it in for me.

That’s right- Sifting through my unassuming bag of groceries, my hands suddenly exhumed a carton of a half dozen eggs. What an insult! What a horror! …What on Earth was I to do with them? Go back and return them, explaining that they mysteriously appeared amidst my other belongings? No, that wouldn’t do, lest I desired the label of either a thief or a mental patient.

Staring vacantly at the white styrofoam in a confused stupor, the moral implications of it all weighed heavily on my mind. I absently reached out and flipped the lid in attempts to focus my thoughts on the situation at had, hoping that the sight of its contents would make the answer clear. Peering cautiously inside, it took only a moment to realize that these were no normal “farm-fresh” eggs.

The fact that one had broken in transport was the most mundane thing about them- Each one was lively as could be, entertaining a personality all their own, instantly becoming animated as soon as their eyes met mine. As if I ever needed another excuse to abstain from eating eggs, seeing the life and energy that they exuded would have been enough to turn even a hardcore carnivore into a vegan!

Sitting in the front row was the sad broken egg, yolk exposed to the air without a cushion to protect it from the harsh outside world. Immediately to its right sat a very concerned-looking friend, clearly riddled with anxiety about his neighbor’s recent break.

Just one row back though, those two characters nestled comfortably into their indentations carried on with their boisterous shenanigans, oblivious to the drama just a hair’s width away from them. I couldn’t be sure exactly what sort of exchange was occurring between them, but I could tell that whatever joke was just told was wearing thin, but the joker just keep egging the other on. (Forgive me for the awful pun, I couldn’t resist!)

Of course, in the very back the final two were even more clueless, grinning away without a care in the world. I loved how upbeat this pair was, although it was rather unfortunate that they were so completely disconnected with the other residents of the carton. All the same, the scene of destruction in front and petty annoyance in the middle seemed justifiably unimportant with these two friendly faces greeting me warmly.

Well, if I had hoped to avoid being deemed mentally unfit by returning eggs that weren’t mine, then this sight was really the last thing that might have saved me. All the same, I now know what to do with them: Like any other living thing, these guys deserve love and a good home, and I’m more than happy to provide that for them. I would normally be very much against keeping an animal product like eggs here, but for these… I think I can make an exception to the rule. Vegan-friendly eggs are such a unique and wonderful thing that I couldn’t very well keep them all to myself; Break out your hook and yarn, because now you guys can have your own egg-buddies as well!

Whole Egg (Make 5):

With white worsted weight yarn and an E hook, sc6 in circle
Sc1, sc twice into next stitch* around (9)
Sc around
Sc2, sc twice into next stitch* around (12)
Sc3, sc twice into next stitch* around (15)
Sc around
Sc4, sc twice into next stitch* around (18)
Sc5, sc twice into next stitch* around (21)
Sc around for 3 rounds
Sc5, sc2tog* around (18)
Sc1, sc2tog* around (12)
Sc around
-Embroider and stuff firmly-
Sc2tog* around (6)

Break yarn and gather remaining sts together, pull tight and tie it off.

Broken Egg Shell:

Sc6 in circle
Sc twice into each st (12)
Sc around
Sc1, sc twice into next st* around (18)
Sc5, sc twice into next st* around (21)
Sc3 times into one st, sl st twice* around

Break yarn and weave in ends.

Egg Yolk:

With yellow yarn, sc 7 in a circle
Sc twice into each (14)
Sc1, sc twice into next st* around (21)
-Embroider-
Sc1, sc2tog* around (14)
Sc2tog around (7)

Break yarn, gather sts and tie tight.

No assembly required, just find a nice cozy carton to hold them in!

Now that I’ve tasted the fruits of my labor and proven that all of my gardening misadventures aren’t for naught, I’ve been more protective than ever of those wee sprouts and vines. Provided that this streak of good fortune continues, the possibilities for fresh fruits and veggies just seems to stretch out endlessly before me, and I don’t want to do anything that might jeopardize that. Of course, while my head was in the clouds, a million miles away from earth, my poor little garden remained completely unguarded and vulnerable to predators.

The very next day when I wandered out to water those thirsty plants, my lapse was evident. Shocked that such destruction could have occurred in that short period of time, I couldn’t believe the scene that awaited me outside. Holes of all sizes and depths speckled the soft earth, almost as if countless mines lurking just below the surface had suddenly been triggered. Thankfully, most of the plants themselves remained unharmed and just as vivacious as ever. Still, I couldn’t begin to guess what sort of creature had caused this, or even how they had managed to penetrate my makeshift fence. Determined to know the truth, I decided right then and there that I would wait until they returned, or at least stick around to ensure the safety of the garden.

Settling in just far enough to be invisible from approaching critters, I hunkered down and awaited the return of this destructive devil. Afternoon came and went, and the warm sunshine beat down with vigor, causing my eyelids to grow heavy and my focus to wane. Before long I must have fallen asleep, because I suddenly startled to attention upon hearing the sound of scratching coming from the garden. I knew it could only be the perpetrator returned to the scene of the crime, but I didn’t know what just who that might be.

Expecting to find a tiny chipmunk clawing away at the dirt, I nearly did a double take when I saw this sizable young pup instead! Slightly intimidated and unprepared, I hesitated for a moment before stepping up to the plate and calling him out, for this behavior simply had to stop. Looking up with soil still lodged between his padded toes, he stood his ground despite the look of sheer terror across his face. Instantly regretting my harsh exclamation, I quickly apologized and explained myself, hoping he would do the same.

In an instant, it became clear that the dirty little dog never had malicious intentions to harm my garden. Instead, it seemed that he only wished to find his long lost bone, buried someplace that his memory refused to share. Since my own powers of recollection aren’t exactly the sharpest, I sympathized with the confused canine, and promised to let him know if I came across his treasure on the one condition that he stopped looking in my defenseless garden. Distraught to lose that possible burying ground, he was reluctant to agree, but to my great relief an amicable truce was made all the same.

Ever since our first encounter, I have spotted a number of fresh holes skirting the property… But as long as they aren’t amongst my blossoming vegetable plants, I don’t mind stepping more carefully around these new craters!

June is the month of melons, and as the days of May quickly fall by the wayside, grocery store shelves are beginning to fill with a tempting vision of things to come. Summer melons of all colors, shapes, and sizes are poised right by the entrance, captivating unsuspecting shoppers with their fragrant aromas, reassuring the wary that it’s not too early in the season to find a nice ripe specimen. These same stunts are pulled all year round by various fruits too eager to ripen within their designated harvesting time, but melons just may be the hardest to resist. Even a “bad” melon is usually alright, and a good melon can make a mockery of even the sweetest desserts.

Ensnared by the alluring sight of those rounded orbs, I found myself drawn to the voluptuous pile of watermelons as if by magnetism. These beauties are my definition of summer’s bounty, and in the warmer months it isn’t such a rarity for me to go through the juicy red flesh of an entire melon unassisted. Thumping on the green skin gently like a love tap, I happened upon the most lovely watermelon of the whole assembly, and wasted no time helping it into my waiting cart.

Back at home, this spherical beauty was the first thing to receive any attention, even before my other purchases of produce and various boxes were squared away. Slicing the supple flesh with care, my mouth watered at the sight of its lush interior and the sweet juices hemorrhaging onto the counter. I was almost through portioning my prize, when one rather unusual slice caught my eye.

A closer inspection revealed that there was indeed something very different about this slice, so unusual that it was hard to believe my own eyes. I mean, I’ve always considered some fruits, like bananas, to have natural “zippers”, but this was ridiculous!

Opening the little pocket wide with little protest from the flexible exterior, I wondered what sort of strange, unnatural phenomenon must have occurred to create this aberration! Without missing a beat after this mostly rational thought, I questioned what on earth you might keep inside a watermelon to begin with!

Nonetheless, the remainder of my delcious melon was promptly eaten without consequence, and the curious purse still resides in the kitchen, waiting to be put to use… How, I don’t know, but at the very least I can rest assured that it’s all natural! All the same, after such an experience it would probably be smart to examine my slices more carefully from now on! Hopefully June’s melons will only get better compared to this demented one.

It’s a cat-eat-cat world out there, and I can’t say that it’s always so easy to get by. Trying to establish a stable home base in such rough, turbulent waters can really take take its toll on a person, even if they appear to take it in stride. Being rather sheltered much of my life, I was lucky enough to avoid a good deal of the deadening grind that so many must experience every day, but all the same, that doesn’t make it any less real for those who are caught in the thick of it. This was made painfully clear to me when I walked down town to the library the other day and caught sight of an old friend.

Even from afar I was certain that it was him, although he had changed quite a bit since we had last met. Once an easy-going sweet talker with deep amber eyes, his gaze was now as hard and cold as ice, eyes darkened and empty, like a bottomless pit. Leaning against the fence in the shadows next to the library, I questioned whether or not I was seeing correctly, because it was difficult to connect this tough-looking man with the young boy I once knew. Still, despite his intimidating exterior I was convinced that the friend from my memory and this lad right here before me were one and the same.

Cautious but excited to see my old companion, I began walking toward him to catch up a bit, see just what he was up to these days. Even as I came closer and closer, his forbidding expression didn’t soften in the least; Not a flicker of recognition passed through those black eyes.

I can’t even imagine what sort of dreadful experiences caused him to change so drastically. Falling in with the wrong crowd, I guess it’s easy to get caught up on the darker side of society, hardened by the endless stuggle to simply stay afloat. Deep within my heart, it hurt to see someone I cared about like this, but even had I reached out he would have only recoiled in disgust, unable to admit the need for help.

Looking for a way out of this mess, I quickly bent over to pick up a coin glinting in the sun on the sidewalk nearby, pretending not to see the silent onlooker sulking by the fence. Turning away to enter the library, I wished I could look back just one more time… But really, this was no longer my old buddy standing outside. He was the same person alright, just not the one I remembered.

Sitting in front of a veritable buffet of text books and my binder that is spread wide open, like the gasping mouth of a fish, I tried fruitlessly one afternoon to tackle some of the assignments that accumulated over the past few days. Looking more like some gruesome 40-car pile up than overdue homework, a macabre scene of torn pages, crumpled paper, and illegible handwriting sprawl across the table for as far as the eye could see. The damage was too great to comprehend; Nothing could be done but gawk mindlessly like a deer caught in the headlights. Immediately my eyes glazed over and my chances of fighting my way out of this mess were reduced to somewhere around slim to none, but all the same, nothing would move me from that seat. It had to be done! Painful and horrific as my homework situation had become, it would only get worse if I didn’t face it. Lifting pen to paper, I prepared to forge my way through this literary jungle, when…

Diingg Doonnggg.

Focus shattered in an instant, I was up on my feet before my harried mind could complete even one sentence. Stunned and disoriented from the sudden interruption, I wondered for a moment if perhaps the oven timer had gone off, as it was extremely rare to have visitors come unannounced. Confirming that the oven was cold and unoccupied, my confusion only grew as I warily made my way towards the front door to investigate. Homework now completely forgotten, I clutched the knob with trepidation and yanked quickly, peering out of the small crack for safety. Opening the door further to get a better look, all that was to been seen was the bright sunshine playing on sparkling blades of grass and bees busily flying about. Ashamed of my runaway imagination, I cast my eyes down towards my feet… And that’s when I saw who rang.

Nestled into a snug little basket was a newborn kitten, so young that she was still pink all over. Putting on a brave face, not a sound escaped her quivering lips, but I could clearly see that she was terrified of this monster that she now faced. The poor thing, having done nothing more than be born didn’t deserve to be dumped by the wayside just because her selfish owner didn’t care enough to let her mature with the guidance of her mother. How awful I felt, towering over this bundle of innocence, with nothing more than inquisitive stares to give!

Kneeling slowly to come down to her eye level, I knew that there was no way I could refuse shelter to this helpless kitten even if I had wanted to.

Without a single reserve, I escorted her into her new home. Adopting the new position as her caretaker in stride, I quickly extricated her from that claustrophobic basket and gave her a soft cushion to rest on. The relief on her face was quite evident – I can only imagine what horrors she had to endure in her short few days on this earth already. Hopefully I can still turn things around, taking as much care of her as possible. And maybe one day she will return the favor… And eat some of my homework so that I have an excuse for not having it!