An Obsession with All Things Handmade and Home-Cooked


Taste the Rainbow

On paper, one year appears laughably brief. 365 days out of a lifetime is but a flash in the pan, a blip on the radar. Taken into the context of history, millennia in the making, it’s not even worth mentioning. Time continues slipping through our fingers unimpeded even as we speak, turning the most recent set of months into a shockingly short memory. It feels like no time has elapsed at all since I officially set down roots here on the west coast, and yet my calendar tells me that I’ve reached this first milestone, seemingly out of the blue.

Though many more months and a string of variably sketchy apartments in the bay area preceded this count, it’s been one full year that I’ve been parked in the same place, calling the address my own. You know it’s official when you finally set up shop and invest in a stand mixer, after all. Home is where the heavy kitchen equipment is.

While I felt it was essential to commemorate this first anniversary, it couldn’t be with any recipe that took itself too seriously. That just wouldn’t do for the occasion, or for the place. No, I wanted to create something that spoke of San Francisco’s modern whimsy and free spirit; the place that I know, not the place it used to be.

California rolls are something I’ve wanted to make for a while, and with the name of the state built right in, the easy pun was irresistible. Though it’s likely that this American maki originated a bit further down south, with this contemporary reinterpretation, I do hereby propose that we of the bay area reclaim it as our own. To create something truly San Franciscan, nothing short of a rainbow would do.

“Traditional” crab filling is replaced by fishless shredded jackfruit, spiked with vegan fish sauce and a touch of sriracha, if you so desire. This unique, oceanic addition would normally be the big selling point for any sushi roll, but it’s clearly the colors surrounding it that steal the show. 100% natural hues are derived from plant-based sources that are probably sitting around in your pantry or fridge right now, to tint plain sushi rice and transform it into something truly special.

Cheers, San Francisco! Here’s to many more vibrant, colorful years together!

San Francisco, California Sushi Rolls

Crabby Filling:

16 Ounces Young Jackfruit
2 Scallions, White Parts Only, Finely Minced
2 Tablespoons Finely Minced Roasted Red Bell Pepper
1 Tablespoon Vegan Fish Sauce or Soy Sauce
1 Tablespoon Lemon Juice
2 Teaspoons Nutritional Yeast
1/2 Teaspoon Garlic Powder
1/2 Teaspoon Onion Powder
1/2 Teaspoon Celery Seeds, Ground
3 Tablespoons Vegan Mayonnaise
1/2 – 1 Tablespoon Sriracha (Optional, for Spicy Rolls)

To Assemble:

2 Ripe Avocados
2 Persian Cucumbers, Thinly Sliced Lengthwise
8 Sheets Roasted NoriAdditional Sriracha, if Desired

Rainbow Sushi Rice:

2 Cups Sushi Rice
2 1/4 Cups Water
2 Tablespoons Rice Vinegar
2 Tablespoons Mirin
1/4 Teaspoon Salt

Red: 1 Tablespoon Beet Juice
Orange: 1 Tablespoon Beet Juice, 1/2 Teaspoon Ground Turmeric
Yellow: 1/2 Teaspoon Ground Turmeric
Green: 1/2 Teaspoon Spirulina Powder
Blue + Purple: 1/3 Cup Diced Red Cabbage, 1/2 Cup Water, 1/8 Teaspoon Baking Soda (Divided)

It may look like a lot of ingredients, but it’s really quite simple to create your very own sushi rainbows. Prepare the filling first so that it has time to sit and marinate. Shred and/or chop the jackfruit coarsely to break it up and approximate the texture of shredded crab. Add in all of the remaining ingredients and stir well. Cover, place in the fridge, and let sit for at least 1 – 3 hours for the flavors to fully meld. This can also be prepared well in advance; up to a week if stored in an air-tight container.

The real fun comes with the rice. Rinse and thoroughly drain the rice, washing away the excess starch, before bringing the water to a boil. Add the rice, stir once to break up any clumps, and reduce the heat to a gentle simmer. Cover the pot and let cook for 14 – 18 minutes, until the liquid has been absorbed. Mix together the vinegar, mirin, and salt in a separate container before pouring it into the hot rice, mixing thoroughly to incorporate. Keep the rice covered and let steam until fully cooked and tender.

Allow the cooked rice to cool until you can comfortably handle it; about 30 minutes. Divide it equally into 7 bowls (yes, you’ll end up with a lot of dishes to wash, but it will be worth it!). Mix in the designated coloring agent for each individual hue, stirring until the grains are more or less evenly dyed. The only colors that aren’t entirely self explanatory are the blue and purple, which take a little bit more effort to extract. Combine the cabbage and water in a small saucepan and simmer, covered, for 10 – 15 minutes, until the water is a pleasing shade of purple. Strain out the actual cabbage pieces and use 2 – 3 teaspoons of the liquid to create your violet rice. To the remaining water, whisk in the baking soda, and watch the dye magically turn blue. Just as before, mix in 2 – 3 teaspoons to make the blue rice.

Finally, to assemble, lay out thin strips of each colored rice on a sheet of nori in rainbow order, leaving about a 1 1/2-inch span of nori clean. Press down lightly to adhere and even out the lines. Top with the marinated crabby filling, thinly sliced cucumber, and plenty of avocado. If you really like it hot, go ahead and add an extra squirt of sriracha in, too. Carefully roll the whole bundle up as tightly as possible, pressing everything together gently but firmly as you go. Lightly moisten the clean strip of nori to seal the end.

Slice into 6 – 8 pieces and repeat with the remaining ingredients. Serve with soy sauce for dipping and go ahead, taste the rainbow!

Makes 8 Servings

Printable Recipe


A Lovely Bunch of Coconuts

In one of many ill-conceived business ideas, I briefly considered setting up shop selling coconut shell bowls. The obsession was short but intense, yielding many colorful vessels for my own enjoyment, but few to share with the general public. Alas, of all those tropical fruits cracked open and eviscerated, not a single one actually turned a profit. Anyone with an ounce of money sense could have seen that coming, considering the sheer amount of time and labor necessary for each individual piece. It turns out that even the most beautiful coconut shell really isn’t worth more than $3 an hour, if you’re being particularly generous.

The venture wasn’t a total loss though. Processing through so many coconuts yielded tons of fresh coconut water, coconut shreds, coconut milk, coconut butter, and coconut pulp to enjoy. The last step in that journey could be considered the least celebrated, but to me, the most intriguing. What remained after straining homemade coconut milk was not quite fine enough to call flour, but certainly not refined enough to call flakes. It fell firmly between the two categories; rough around the edges but quite sweet and charming once you got to know it.

Finding a way to eat through that volume of pulpy excess was ultimately a more rewarding challenge than the monotonous task of sanding down the sharp edges and fine lines of a coconut shell. Taking inspiration from their Asian origins, Thai spices join the mix to form tender patties, fashioned into bite-sized sliders perfect for celebrating the tail end of summer. They aren’t burgers by any stretch of the imagination and they don’t try to be. I wanted to celebrate the coconut in all its natural glory, succulent and tender, cradled between two buns- Mock meats need not apply.

I daresay that this unconventional take on the typical picnic fare would be perfect to liven up any Labor Day festivities you may have planned. Even if your plans for the three day weekend consist of little more than binge-watching Netflix and pulling your long sleeve shirts out of storage, there’s no reason why these flavorful sliders can’t be on the menu. These versatile patties are just the start of the fun, inviting a wide range of fully customization toppings to suit even the most exotic cravings. I’ve listed some of my favorites below to get you started.

In case you don’t just happen to have a couple of fresh coconuts on hand to turn into pulp, you can absolutely process plain old unsweetened shredded coconut into a coarse meal instead.

Thai Coconut Sliders

Thai-Spiced Coconut Patties:

2 Tablespoons Olive Oil, Divided
1/2 Cup Diced Shallot
2 Cloves Garlic, Minced
2 Tablespoons Red Curry Paste
1 Tablespoon Ketchup
1 Tablespoon Vegan Fish Sauce or Soy Sauce
1 Tablespoon Lime Juice
1 Cup Dry Coconut Pulp or Meal
1 Cup Cooked Jasmine Rice
2 Tablespoons Tapioca Flour
Salt and Pepper, to Taste

To Serve:

Mini Slider Buns
Sliced Cucumbers
Sliced Avocado
Fresh Cilantro or Thai Basil

Additional Topping Suggestions:

Peanut Sauce
Mango Relish or Chutney
Coconut Aioli

To prepare the patties, heat 1 tablespoon of the oil in a medium pan and add the shallots and garlic. Saute until softened and aromatic. Stir in the curry paste, cooking it for 2 – 3 minutes to bring out the full flavors of the spices. Add the ketchup, “fish” sauce, and lime juice and cook for another 3 minutes, allowing the ingredients to meld.

Transfer the aromatics to a large bowl along with the coconut pulp, cooked rice, and tapioca flour. Use a wide spatula to mix everything together. It’s a very thick mixture so you may just want to get in there with your hands to speed up the process. Add salt and pepper to taste.

Use an ice cream scoop to portion out the most consistent slider sizes, or just aim for a scant 1/4 per patty. Roll them between lightly moistened hands and press them down gently to shape.

Heat a wide skillet over medium heat and coat the bottom with the remaining tablespoon of oil. Cook 2 – 3 sliders at a time, being careful not to crowd the pan. Allow 5 – 8 minutes per side, until golden brown, flipping as needed.

Serve on mini slider buns with as many toppings as your heart desires.

Makes 7 – 8 Sliders.

Printable Recipe


Grow, Grow, Grow Your Boat

If you’re growing zucchini in your backyard garden, or if any neighbors within a 10 mile radius are, there’s a good chance that you’re up to your ears in green squash by now. Even weeds aren’t as vigorous in most cases, crowded out by masses of tangled vines heavy with fruit and flowers. Although impressively versatile, swapping loyalties from sweet to savory associations at the drop of the hat, playing the backup or the lead singer with equal grace, there comes a point when it’s hard to contemplate another plate of the stuff. I’ve seen a particularly prolific garden down the street where zucchini line the porch, free for the taking. One of them has grown so large that it now sits regally in the deck chair, presiding over the others like a monarch, complete with a rather handsome straw hat atop its crown.

When faced with such zucchini abundance, my default answer is to bust out the trusty old spiralizer. No cooking, no muss, no fuss, and you’ve got a pile of crisp green noodles to dress up or down as you please. That’s all well and good for the average sized squash, but once you get a full pound of flesh in every squash, even the spiralizer can’t save you anymore.

Zucchini bread is a classic approach to tackling this kind of glut, but for these extenuating circumstances, it still isn’t enough. No, this calls for a full-frontal zucchini exposé, not just a handful of shreds hidden within a loaf of quick bread. Drawing inspiration from the ever-popular concept of stuffed zucchini instead, all it takes is a few simple ingredient swaps, and you’ve got a bona fide, zuchini-fied dessert worthy of any summer’s harvest.

Hollowed out and refilled with a luscious mixture of spiced bread pudding, those once unlovable giant Italian squash will finally get the praise they’re due. Never again turn away those extra-large options, claiming their interiors to be “too seedy” to be any good- A familiar refrain that I’ll admit I’m guilty of saying as well. Like any bread pudding worth its salt (or sugar, as it were) the add-ins are entirely flexible based on personal preferences. Go crazy with your favorite nut, try out different dried fruits, or go ahead, double down on the chocolate chips and indulge your inner chocoholic.

Though they don’t make for great eating in this application, there’s still no reason to toss the zucchini innards! Try chopping them up and simmer them in marinara sauce or blend them into just about any soup, for starters. You’re only limited by what your garden can produce, and if your situation is looking anything like mine, there will be quite a bit more zucchini still to come, ripe for experimentation.

Zucchini Bread Pudding Boats

2 Large Zucchini (About 1 Pound Each)
1 Cup Plain Non-Dairy Milk
1/3 Cup Dark Brown Sugar, Firmly Packed
1 1/2 Tablespoons Cornstarch, Divided
1 Teaspoon Ground Cinnamon
1/4 Teaspoon Ground Ginger
1/4 Teaspoon Salt
2 Tablespoons Vegan Butter or Coconut Oil, Melted
1/2 Teaspoon Vanilla Extract
3 Ounces Sourdough or French Bread, Cut into 1/4-Inch Cubes (About 1 1/2 Cups)
1/2 Cup Raisins or Chocolate Chips
1/4 Cup Toasted Pecans, Chopped

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees and line a baking sheet with a piece of parchment paper or a silpat.

Slice the zucchini in half lengthwise and scoop out the seedy interiors, leaving 1/2 – 3/4 centimeter around the border to support the boat. A thin spoon should do the trick just fine, but if you’re having trouble, try an ice cream scoop instead. Place the zucchini with the cut sides up on your prepared baking sheet and set aside.

In a medium saucepan over moderate heat, whisk together the non-dairy milk, brown sugar, 1/2 tablespoon of the cornstarch, cinnamon, ginger, and salt. Bring the mixture up to a boil, stirring frequently. Add in the vegan butter or coconut oil along with the vanilla, mix to incorporate and turn off the heat. Let cool for 10 minutes before proceeding.

In a large bowl, toss together the bread, raisins and/or chocolate chips, and nuts with the remaining tablespoon of cornstarch. Once thoroughly coated, pour in the liquid ingredients and stir thoroughly to combine. Spoon the bread pudding mixture into your waiting zucchini boats, dividing it equally between the four halves. Don’t be afraid to mound it up in the centers!

Bake for 40 – 50 minutes, until the bread is golden brown and the zucchini is fork-tender. Serve warm or at room temperature.

Makes 4 Servings

Printable Recipe


Cold Noodles For Hot Days

Call it ramen 2.0, or perhaps a limited summer edition of everyone’s favorite noodle. Chilled ramen dishes are nearly as abundant and diverse as hot renditions, but are overwhelmingly underrated, uncelebrated and overlooked, in favor of more familiar preparations. Not all soups must emerge from the kitchen with a plume of steam, nor gently charred and still radiating heat. When it already feels like you’re standing in an oven just by opening up the front door, nothing hits the spot better than a refreshing bowl of ramen on ice, no matter the flavor.

They start out just as before, made of the very same stuff as their hot brethren and cooked in the same fashion. The difference is that after reaching the perfect state of toothsome tenderness, the spry young strands are immediately plunged into a shock of ice-cold water, simultaneously arresting the cooking process and dropping the temperature down quite a few degrees. Expertly guided once again by acclaimed chef and noodle master Philip Gelb, the results were practically instant- But clearly far superior.

Confronted with a bowlful of fresh, naked noodles, the options of embellishment are simply overwhelming. Every Asian culture has their own unique summertime staples that color the humble alkaline noodles with a rainbow of different flavors. Starting simple, the Japanese tsukemen truly allows the delicate nature of this handmade pasta to shine. Plunging mouthfuls into a bowl of deeply savory chilled broth, topped with a light smattering of scallions and a touch of wasabi for a bright finish, each mouthful is an essential experience of cold noodle elegance.

Kongguksu, hailing from Korea, might be the least known ramen preparation in the western world. It is a great shame that its popularity is not more widespread across the states, as it has no equal when it comes to both refreshment and satisfaction. Floating in a sea of homemade soymilk, enriched with sesame and almonds, ramen noodles are treated to a bath of rich, creamy soup. Ice cubes are tossed right into the bowl to keep things cool, through and through, ensuring that the first taste will be just as brilliant as the last. The secret is all in the soy beans, of course. Taking the extra step of removing the hulls creates the most silky texture imaginable. Though tempting, don’t even dream of taking a shortcut and buying prepared soymilk; once you’ve gone through the trouble of making your own ramen, soaking a few beans should be no big deal.

Finally, bringing the heat through bold spices but no actual fire, Szechuan Sesame Noodles are the most intense yet crowd-pleasing way to cool your noodles. Infused with lip-tingling, mouth-numbing Szechuan peppercorns, there is nothing subtle about this dish. It’s an in-your-face, action-packed thriller that will keep you on the edge of your seat from start to finish. That intense flavor can be adjusted according to preference, but the whole point of this dish is to make you sweat to maximize the cooling effect. It’s scientifically proven that sweating is actually one of the most effective ways to beat the heat, and this Chinese staple will definitely yield delicious results.

It would be impossible to pick one favorite from these three completely unique takes on the cold ramen noodle. Luckily, Chef Philip was generous enough to offer his recipes for all of them, so you don’t have to choose. Bear in mind that each preparation will need a new batch of ramen noodles and serve about four hungry eaters.

Now there’s no reason you can’t keep your cool this summer, and still do it in good taste.

Ramen Noodles

Bring 2 quarts of water to a rapid boil. Drop in noodles and cook for about 60 seconds. Once the noodles are al dente, rinse in cold water to immediately stop the cooking process.

Japanese Cold Noodle Dipping Sauce

Dipping Sauce:
1 2/3 Cup Kombu Dashi (Seaweed Stock)
1/2 Cup Sake
4 Tablespoons Soy Sauce
1/2 Teaspoon Salt
1/2 Teaspoon Palm Sugar

Optional Additions:
Sliced Scallions
Grated Daikon

Wasabi or Karashi (Hot Mustard)

Place all the ingredients in a saucepan. Set over medium heat, bring to a boil, and simmer for 3 minutes. Let cool and chill completely before serving. Add in as many of the optional ingredients into the sauce as desired, to taste, or set them out in small bowls for diners to mix into the sauce at will.

Kon Gook Soo / Kongguksu (Cold Soybean Noodle Soup)

1 Cup Dried Soybeans, Soaked Overnight, Rinsed and Drained
2 Tablespoons Raw Sesame Seeds, Soaked Overnight, Rinsed and Drained
1/4 Cup Raw Almonds, Soaked Overnight, Rinsed and Drained
6 Cups Cold Water
1 Teaspoon Salt
1 Teaspoon White Pepper
1 English Cucumber, Julienned
Crushed Ice, as Needed

Cook soybeans in 1 quart of boiling water for 15 minutes. Rinse and drain. Place soybeans in a bowl, fill with water, and gently rub the beans until they split and the hulls come off. The hulls will float to the top and can be easily discarded while draining the water. Remove at least 90% of the hulls.

Add the hulled and drained soybeans to a blender along with the sesame seeds, almonds, and cold water. Puree on high speed for 2 minutes and chill this mixture until very cold. Add salt and pepper, stirring well and adjusting seasonings to taste, as needed.

Divide the cooked noodles between four bowls. Place a handful of ice in each, and top the noodles with sliced cucumber. Pour the soymilk on top and serve immediately.

Cold Szechuan Sesame Noodles

Sesame Sauce:
1/2 Cup Kombu Stock
1/4 Cup Roasted Peanuts
1/4 Cup Toasted Sesame Seeds
1 (or More) Fresh Thai Chili
2 Teaspoons Minced Garlic
1 Heaping Teaspoon Szechuan Peppercorns, Toasted
3 Tablespoons Soy Sauce
1 Tablespoon Dark Chinese Soy Sauce
1/4 Cup Palm Sugar
1 Tablespoon Chiankiang Vinegar
1 Tablespoon Rice Vinegar
1 Tablespoon Minced Fresh Cilantro
1 Tablespoon Szechuan Chili Oil

English Cucumber, Slivered
Scallion, Chopped

In a blender, add all the sauce ingredients and puree until completely smooth. Chill thoroughly.

To serve, toss together the noodles, sauce, and all of the garnishes desired. Serve immediately.

Each Preparation Makes 4 Servings

Printable Recipe


Lazy Day Luxuries

Browsing through the latest issue of a prominent food magazine, the leading sentence of yet another summer recipe round up grabbed me by the throat. Proclaiming August the “laziest month,” it struck me as a particularly bold declaration, forcing me to consider how plausible such a blanket statement might actually be. When else would we, collectively as a workaholic society, sneak out of the office sooner, take longer siestas, or justify more extended weekend adventures? December would be a close contender, but when you factor in the stress of holidays and family obligations, it’s clearly out of the running. Perhaps they’re right; perhaps August does take the cake for stringing together the most laid-back, unhurried days on the calendar.

So, as July inevitably slips through our fingers, it’s time to batten down the hatches and prepare to seriously take it slow. I’m all about minimal effort resulting in maximum impact, which is why I can’t get enough of The Blender Girl‘s raw key lime pudding.

It first graced my hot and humid east coast kitchen a number of years ago and has become an annual summer staple ever since. It’s baffling that I somehow neglected to include it in my initial review of her brilliant cookbook, but I suppose I was subconsciously saving it for the more languorous days that best suit the no-muss, no-fuss preparation.

I’ve barely done anything to the original formula, which only goes to show what a solid recipe Tess has concocted here. I’ve never gone out of my way to actually use key limes, and yet it still bears a sprightly, zesty flavor thanks to the balance between standard limes and lemons. I’d venture to say that adding a touch of grapefruit to the party might be a delightfully tangy addition, too. It’s a good thing we have the whole month of August ahead of us- I’ll undoubtedly have many more batches of this refreshing raw treat to experiment with.

Raw “Key Lime” Pudding
Modified slightly from The Blender Girl Cookbook by Tess Masters

1/2 Cup Lemon Juice
1/2 Cup Lime Juice
1/3 Cup Light Agave Nectar
2 Medium-Sized, Ripe Avocados, Pitted and Peeled
2 Medium-Sized, Ripe Bananas, Chopped
1 Teaspoon Finely Grated Lemon Zest
1 Teaspoon Finely Grated Lime Zest
1 Teaspoon Vanilla Extract
1/4 Teaspoon Salt

It’s easy enough to figure out how this one comes together, but in case you need some hand-holding, here’s how it all goes down: Throw everything into your blender and process until completely smooth, pausing to scrape down the sides of the container if needed. Transfer to four individual glasses or ramekins, and refrigerate for at least 3 hours, until chilled. Serve the same day to prevent browning.

Makes 4 Servings

Printable Recipe


Just Add Ice Cream

Given my unconventional approach to featuring a pint of my favorite ice cream, as highlighted in my previous recipe melt down, it should surprise precisely no one to learn that I was once a master at making ice cream soup. Especially when the air took on a chilly edge and a solidly frozen scoop could send shock waves rippling through my sensitive teeth, it only made good sense to temper my treats a bit. Science has proven that we’re less capable of tasting the full flavor nuances of anything chilled below 32°F. I’d like to think I was simply wise beyond my years, gleefully turning sundaes into spoonable milkshakes for maximum enjoyment. Inevitably this led to some very sticky situations and many stained shirts, but that’s another story.

It wasn’t long after gaining the privacy of my own tiny apartment kitchen that I began to tinker with some downright insane concepts, while taking my penchant for ice cream soup to the extreme. After one cycle too many in the microwave, I discovered that my luscious chocolate ice cream had “defrosted” far beyond the realm of milkshake territory, sloshing around inside its cardboard carton freely. While one could toss the liquid back into an ice cream churn and salvage the mess, I saw this as a new opportunity. A new ingredient to play with, once again, to transform into an entirely new treat.

No baking is required for those suffering under summer’s stifling heat. In fact, the end results taste even better when eaten chilled; an inadvertent homage to its frozen origins. For anyone who’s ever craved a brownie denser than a cake, or a fudge just a hair lighter than pure ganache, these obscenely rich bars fill that gap. Admittedly, the squares pictured above are much too large for any reasonable human being to consume in one sitting. That didn’t stop me, of course, but I can’t recommend it for the sugar rush and food coma sure to follow. Just a little bit goes a long way with these devilish little dark chocolate squares.

This is yet another entry for the Raise a Pint Recipe Contest, fostered by Go Dairy Free and So Delicious. The entry period will end on July 24th, at which point all the sweet recipes will be revealed and you can vote for your favorites. In the meantime, you can join in by sharing your ice cream moments on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter- Be sure to use #RaiseAPint! Find the full details right here.

Instant Brownie Fudge Bars

1 Pint So Delicious Chocolate Coconut Milk Ice Cream
1/4 Cup Coconut Oil
1/2 Teaspoon Salt
4 Cups (About 18 Ounces) Finely Ground Chocolate Sandwich Cookie Crumbs
1/2 Cup Chopped Walnuts or Pecans, Divided

Line an 8×8-inch square pan with aluminum foil and lightly grease; set aside.

Place the ice cream, coconut oil, and salt into a medium saucepan and set over medium heat. Allow everything to fully melt, bringing the liquid to a gentle boil. Reduce the heat to medium-low and continue cooking, whisking periodically, for about 5 minutes.

Add in the cookie crumbs and half of the nuts, stirring quickly and vigorously with a wide spatula. The resulting batter will be very thick, so don’t be afraid to put some muscle into it. Transfer to your prepared pan and spread the mixture out into a smooth, even layer. Sprinkle the remaining nuts over the top and use your palms to gently press them into the surface.

Move the pan into your fridge and chill for at least 4 hours, or into your freezer for 2, before slicing into bars or squares as desired. Store in an air-tight container in the fridge, for up to a week… If you can keep you hands off of them for that long.

Makes 16 – 24 Servings

Printable Recipe


Given the Cold Shoulder

Blurring the line between genius and madness, typical recipe brainstorming sessions can yield any number of wild, unpredictable results, combining disparate flavors that bear tenuous connections at best. It’s the best and worst part of any free-association exercise, opening up the floodgates and allowing a torrent of unfiltered ideas to flow. I’ve come up with some of my greatest hits this way, but sometimes, I’ve inadvertently managed to cobble together terrifying Frankenstein monstrosities instead. Most of these are easily eliminated before they ever come to fruition to assault unsuspecting eaters in real life, but unfortunately, it sometimes takes a round of testing before I realize the errors of my ways. Recipe writers don’t like to talk about it, but failure is far more common than success.

Thus, given my adoration for ice cream and endless supply of crazy concepts, I’ve dished out more than my fair share of distasteful scoops. In honor of Nation Ice Cream Day today, I thought it might be fun it dive into the archives to unearth some of these frozen horrors. Brace yourselves: The following list is not for the weak of stomach.

  • Raisin Bran Ice Cream
  • Black Garlic Ice Cream
  • Old World Borscht Ice Cream
  • Ketchup Ice Cream
  • Bread & Butter Pickle Chip Ice Cream
  • Cinnamon-Raisin Noodle Kugel Ice Cream
  • Smokey Barbecue Sauce Ripple Ice Cream

Consider yourselves lucky that I had enough common sense to know when to put the ice cream paddle down. Not all ideas can be winners, but you have my word that only the best ever make it into print.

I hope everyone is enjoying this “holiday” with only the creamiest, sweetest, and most luxurious of sweet scoops!