Category: Knitting

Eyes fluttering open after another average night of sleep, and I awaken to darkness. Rising before the sun quite often, this isn’t terribly unusual, but a glance at my digital clock tells me otherwise: Completely blank, without a single glowing number to speak of, it was then that I took notice of the ruckus outside. Torrents of raindrops splattered fitfully against the roof, punctuated by the intermittent low growl of thunder, creating a disorganized orchestra right outside my window. My heart sank as I put the pieces of the puzzle together – While we had been sleeping soundly, this malevolent storm had knocked out the power.

At times like these when I can’t power up my coffee maker in the morning, it feels as though the clouds themselves are against me. Gathering high above in an unsmiling army, they drop bombs instead of water, and I’m left high and dry even in the midst of all this rain. Batteries only last so long, and electrical comforts such as the microwave and overhead lights are temporarily out of commission. I don’t even want to know how the garden is looking now, soil overturned and washed away by the pounding rain, plants probably downing in a veritable ocean of fresh water… No, those poor weeds-aspiring-to-be-vegetables can not be doing well.

With nary a light to guide my stumbling fingers, rushing to get this post out before my laptop’s batteries give out on me too, it’s hard for me to see the benefit of such an aggravating natural occurrence. Of course, not all rainstorms are like this…

Sharing their water drops with the plant life and wild life alike, these kinder, gentler storms wouldn’t knock a single leaf from an ailing tree. Warm and inviting, it’s wonderful to curl up and knit inside as rhythmic tapping of raindrops provides ample background music. Instead of taking away such basic commodities as electrical lights, such unobtrusive clouds would never selfishly steal our electricity, only passing through without causing a commotion and moving along like a gracious guest.

How dearly I miss such gentle weather patterns… Unfortunately, it’s all up to mother nature, and today we’re stuck with these destructive, unhappy storm clouds. If you’re still waiting to get an email from me later today… You’ll know why.

[Rain cloud pattern from Mochi Mochi Land]

Chemicals added in to foods, be it for freshness, color, or flavor, quite honestly scare me. Endless shelf lives and attractive facades certainly have their draws, but not for the price paid by the consumer. Artificial colors and dyes essentially come from gasoline- Why on earth would I want that in my body? Not once will you see a fake ingredient in any of my baking or cooking, and I make a point of purchasing the most wholesome packaged foods possible, although I will be the first to admit that the term “healthy processed foods” is almost always an oxymoron. Being so vehemently against these foreign substances, the last thing you would expect to find in my home would be a sizable collection of those franken-food products, residing quietly like live bombs just waiting to go off. And yet… My friends, I must admit- This is exactly the case. Cola, and especially diet cola is my guilty pleasure, so deadly addictive that not a day goes by that I can resist the cravings for that fizzy chemical cocktail.

Attempts to wean myself off of the questionable drink have all ultimately failed, and come noon time I’ll inevitably start seeking out my daily fix, going as far as it takes to satisfy the urge. Whole shopping trips have been orchestrated as an excuse to simply buy another case of the cold, metallic cans, loading up the shopping cart with fruits and veggies with only one real item on the grocery list: Soda. Yes, I know that other drinks are wonderful too- Tea is in an endless supply here and I would be nothing without a cup of coffee in the morning, but midday when I need just a tiny kick of caffeine and some sweet bubbles to tickle my taste buds, nothing else comes close to a tall glass of that brown, carbonated soft drink.

But tell me, doesn’t everyone have bad habits? Aren’t I allowed some downright non-nutritious, completely health-unconscious treats, too? Besides, on a hot summer day with no end in sight, you just can’t beat a frosty cola straight from the bottle. Maybe someday I’ll kick this craving, but for now… It could be much worse, don’t you think?

[Knit cola inspired by this pattern for a knit beer]

As deadlines loom and reviews pile up, the oven as been eerily quiet and cold. My ideas for new recipes continue to accumulate and grow by the day like overgrown weeds, and yet I don’t have a minute to cut it down to size. Luckily, it seems that there’s finally a light at the end of the tunnel, and the manuscript is just over a week away from the printer. Everyone needs to take a break every now and then, so with the finish line now in sight, I figured it was only fair to dive into some of the luscious summer produce I had been spying at the market and make it into a suitable decadent dessert. Although my wish list for exotic and unusual fruit could fill a novel, I settled upon the first rare delicacy I could find: Kiwis.

True, they are certainly not unheard of or quite so esoteric these days, but it’s still hard for me to hunt them down locally. Having had such little experience with them, I figured something fairly basic would be a good place to start, so a simply kiwi tart it was. Out came the sturdy ceramic tart pan and I wasted no time prepping the fruits. Slicing carefully and admiring their lurid green flesh, flecked with the deep black seeds, the world around me disappeared. The sound of the knife filled my head, cleaving smoothly through the firm fruit, tapping quietly and rhythmically like a metronome as it hit the cutting board. Each cut slice glistened with juice, seeming to sparkle in the light, and I could only feel what a wondrous thing it was to be back in the kitchen again. Losing myself in the moment so completely, who knows what sort of craziness must have occurred during this mental vacation, because there was one shocking sight awaiting me when I looked up.

A kiwi! And not the fruits that I had just been admiring, but the national bird of New Zealand! Sitting right there in my tart pan like it was ready to go in the oven along with the fruit of its namesake, I could write volumes about how wrong this whole scene was. Watching me prep ingredients as if it were as distant as a cooking show on tv, the little guy seemed not the least bit bothered by its uncomfortable-looking seat or proximity to a human with a knife. As a typically shy, nocturnal bird found only halfway across the world, there was simply no conceivable explanation!

This development certainly threw a wrench in my baking plans, to say the least. Off went the oven, away went the flour and sugar. Not wanting to evict my curious guest from the former baking dish, it didn’t look like there would be any tarts to be made today. At a loss of words, the only course of action I could think of was to offer him a slice of the cut fruit… Which he gladly accepted, to my relief. Munching happily as if this were all the most normal thing in the world, I can’t help but wonder if I’m losing my mind. Truly, if only I could understand any of this, my dear readers… But perhaps it’s just an indication that I had better get more sleep instead of shirking deadlines by baking!

I know that these bizarre flightless birds do have quite a few fans out there who would love to get as close to these marvels as I did… But since I have no clue how it all happened, the best I can do is give you a pattern to make your own!

Body:

With size 6 DPNs and rust colored worsted weight yarn, CO 3 and distribute them evenly among the needles
Kfb into each st (6 sts)
Kfb into each st (12 sts)
K each st
K1, kfb* around (18 sts)
K each st
K2, kfb* around (24 sts)
K each st
K3, kfb* around (30 sts)
K each st for 5 rounds
K3, k2tog* around (24 sts)
K each st for 2 rounds
K2, k2tog* around (18 sts)
K each st
(Okay, here comes some short row shaping for the neck. W&t means “wrap and turn,” which you can learn how to do via this handy video)
K4, w&t, p6, w&t, k8, w&t, p10, w&t, k12, w&t, p14, w&t, k16, w&t, p10
(Whew! Still with me? Great, it’s all smooth sailing from here!)
K each st
K2, kfb* around (24 sts)
K3, kfb* around (30 sts)
K4, kfb* around (36 sts)
K5, kfb* around (42 sts)
K6, kfb* around (48 sts)
K7, kfb* around (54 sts)
K each st
K8, kfb* around (60 sts)
K each st for 20 rounds
-Insert safety eyes and stuff head lightly-
K8, k2tog* around (54 sts)
K7, k2tog* around (48 sts)
K6, k2tog* around (42 sts)
K5, k2tog* around (36 sts)
K4, k2tog* around (30 sts)
K3, k2tog* around (24 sts)
-Stuff body firmly-
K2, k2tog* around (18 sts)
K1, k2tog* around (12 sts)
K2tog* around (6 sts)
Break thread and draw it through the remains stitches, tying tight.

Beak:

Switching to size 5 DPNs and yellow worsted weight yarn, CO 3 st, distributing evenly on your needles
Kfb into each st (6 sts)
K each st around for 22 rounds
K1, kfb* around (9 sts)
K each st around
k2, kfb* around (12 sts)
K each st
BO and break yarn, leaving a sizable tail to sew with

Feet (Make 2):

With size 5 straight needles and the same yarn as used for the beak, CO 25 sts
K each st
BO 5 sts, k to end
K to end, CO 5 sts
BO 5 sts, k to end
K to end, CO 5
K each st
CO, leaving a long tail

To Assemble: First take one foot and weave the long tail back through the 5 sts of the toe. Fold the leg in half and use that length of yarn to sew the long edges together, forming a long tube for the leg. Repeat with the other foot piece. Sew each leg to the bottom of the bird body and tie tightly, weaving in ends when satisfied with the placement. Lightly stuff the wide opening of the beak, and sew to bird face. Just weave in those ends and you’re ready to have plenty of your own bizarre adventures!

Lest you think that I’ve put down my knitting needles for good, I’ll have you know that contrary to the lack of variety exhibited by my recent posts, I’ve still been knitting away just as prodigiously as before. As a matter of fact, I’ve been frequently dabbling in all of my usual crafts… Just not always to great success. Although it may seem that I haven’t even touched my stash of beads in ages, it’s just that I haven’t displayed the disastrous abortions I’ve pushed off the threads. Sometimes the ideas are simply better than their physical manifestations, such as the concept of pressed-flower coasters. In reality, the only redeeming quality about those hideous resin disks was that the design can be mostly covered by the cup meant to rest on top.

The truth is, only a small percentage of my work ever meets the public eye. Out of 50 potential projects, maybe 10 might come out just as I had intended. While this makes for an exhausting process to arrive at any quality finished object, I feel that the struggle is worth it to ensure that the questionable projects are weeded out. All the same, it can be nice to just go by the book and make someone else’s pattern exactly as written every now and then.

Churning out Knitty‘s Argosy was really just a simple exercise to clear my mind of all the craziness that has surrounded me as of late, just going through the motions without straining to “invent” something new. Aside from the fact that I was knitting a scarf in 90 degree weather, it was the perfect interlude between more challenging projects. For some reason, I’m finding that knitting is my form of meditation, a way to relax and escape from the world, more about the process and not the product. In such a demanding world, I think that anyone could appreciate how nice it feels when it really is the effort that counts, even if the end results aren’t exactly blog-worthy.

Everyone fails occasionally, preforms under par, but crafting is my way of putting all of that behind me and moving on, because at the end of the day, I will still have some tangible proof that hey, at least I’m trying. Besides that, sometimes even the meditative knits come out well, just like this one.

No matter how much I love to cook and bake, it seems like my efforts are rarely destined for my own mouth. Birthday cakes and bake sale cookies flood the kitchen in a torrent, flying out of the oven faster than I can slide more in, let alone snag a sample for myself. Not a minute to cool on the counter, they parade out the door to their various destinations, never to be seen again, along with whatever platter accompanied them. Though it’s funny to think that perhaps the recipients were so ravenous as to eat through the sweets and straight into the plate, I’ve lost more than my fair share of serving ware this way. Glass and ceramic slabs aside, the real loss is spare time in which to prepare food for myself, since dirtying more dishes or firing up the oven yet again are rarely appealing by the time meals come around after my usual baking frenzies.

Meals usually consist of simple things straight out of the fridge such as plain old veggies and fruits, or if the pantry’s goods are particularly alluring when I scavenge through them, the typical assortment of cereals and junk foods. Pulling these items from the far ends of the food pyramid keeps it all in balance, right? Well, don’t tell me if I’m wrong, because the convenience factor is often more valuable than the nutrition at this point. Running around madly to keep up with school, writing, crafting, etc, it’s good enough that I have enough fuel to keep running sometimes. In fact, it was my lucky day when I came downstairs for breakfast and saw a delicious looking toaster tart already waiting for me, unwrapped and clearly waiting to be eaten.

Well, I certainly didn’t need any further invitation (Lest the real owner of that treat return to claim it) and I reached down hastily without further though. Immediately I noticed that it felt different than your garden-variety hand pie, so I took a closer look at my newly acquired prize. Giving it a gentle squeeze to examine what sort of filling could be residing between these odd sheets of dough, I must have looked as though I stuck my finger in an electrical socket when I reeled back in surprise at what came out.

Good thing I didn’t absent mindedly shovel the whole thing into my mouth! Turns out it wasn’t a sweet snack at all, but a cell phone cozy instead! I swear, only in my house do such absurd possibilities exist! However, if you’d like such strange occurrences in your own home, you can now make your very own faux pop tart using the following pattern. Very easy and straight forward, even beginning knitters will find it to be a breeze to complete, with fabulous results. Although it won’t satiate your craving for sweets, it will satisfy your need to knit!

Please note that this pattern calls for color work called “intarsia,” and when switching colors the two strands of yarn must be twisted together or else the piece will not hold together, as many earlier crafters have found. For further help on color work, please refer to this video tutorial here.

With US size 5 straight needles and tan worsted weight yarn, CO 15 sts

Beginning with a k row, knit in st st for 42 rows

K2 sts in tan, switch to pink yarn and k11 sts, switch back to tan for the remaining 2 sts

Repeat this color scheme in st st for 25 rows

Starting with a p row, switch back to using only tan yarn, and knit in st st for an additional 5 rows

BO

To assemble, fold your long rectangle in half and sew up the two longest sides using a whip stitch. Embroider rainbow-colored bugle beads for sprinkles onto the pink area, or get creative – Try different decorations like embroidering squiggles for contrasting icing, or interesting beads for shaped sprinkles! With different colors and materials, the possibilities are endless! For extra security, sew a small snap onto the inside at the very top of the pouch, to prevent your phone from falling out.

Keep those phones warm and comfortable, but resist the urge to chow down on your new toaster tart! They may have plenty of fiber, but I’m sure you can still find a more nutritious breakfast instead!

It feels as though all of a sudden, spring must have crept in through an open window one night. It was marked on the calendar right and proper, and I do remember observing daylights savings, (Pointless ritual that it is) but the lengthened days of sunlight and warmth are still a shock to my system. After that winter that really wasn’t, it hardly feels right to continue on without it, but what is one to do? Mother nature won’t be bothered with such petty complaints when there are seeds to sprout, flowers to bloom, animals and insects to prod out of hiding! The season is still young, but there is so much to do; Spring could hardly wait another day before manifesting itself! Small mounds of compacted snow still remain, spotting the earth like unsightly pimples on an adolescent face, slowly retreating back into the ground and further distressing the swollen streams. Watching them melt makes the landscape appear some how changed, different from the last time I saw it without a covering of slick, glistening ice. Come to think of it, some thing was definitely out of place here… I just couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

Pacing around the muddy dirt immediately outside my garage door, an unsettled feeling rose steadily in my gut. What is it? What’s wrong? It was driving me mad. Having lived here for the majority of my life, I should be able to tell when some thing is amiss. Venturing further and further from my haven, it was another few minutes before I finally laid eyes upon a large rock near the perimeter of our property. Out of the way and easy to overlook, I was certain that something about it was drastically changed even from my present distance. Picking up my pace and seeing the full picture in clearer focus, I was shocked to see exactly what it was that had disrupted my sense of normalcy.

No small fallen branch or waterlogged tree truck, sitting in plain sight was a multi-million year old Nautiloid! Unearthed by the motion of melting snow, there was no denying that this was an authentic piece of history in my backyard, a small glimpse into a world that we can only make educated guesses about with today’s technology. While on rare occasion our backyard has been known to cough up a random fragment of clay pottery of mysterious origin, this find was unprecedented! What to do? Who to tell!?

Coiled contentedly around itself, eyes unblinking, I was fairly sure that my little nautiloid wouldn’t be going anywhere soon. After unimaginable lengths of time buried beneath the earth, I would imagine that a few more minutes would hardly even be a drop in the bucket. Feet pounding the soggy terrain, I made a mad dash back into the house to alert some one, any one still home. Scaling stairs about as gracefully as a drunken leprechaun, my breath was growing short and yet not a soul could be found to share my amazing discovery with. Just my luck!

Finally, after a torturous wait, my parents returned from an early grocery expedition and I ambushed them, pregnant with news. Dragging both all the way into the corner of the yard, we all peered with excitement at the designated rock to see… A big rock. The nautiloid was gone! Perhaps it was able to stay hidden for so long because it wasn’t exactly fossilized after all… But I guess the world may never know.