Category: Crochet

A month or two ago, if you had told me that this is the winter I would have to look forward to, I would think you had mistaken the months for those of spring. Rarely has the temperature dropped below freezing, explaining the lack of frost and ice, let alone snow. I’m not just exaggerating out of disappointment, either – The plants and wildlife are confused about the time of year as well! New sprouts and flowers are already pushing through the soil, seeking out the heat of the sun, only to find a gray, clammy atmosphere awaiting them above the surface. Animals are out in full force again, but finding nary a leaf nor bud to munch on. It used to make sense that the early bird would catch the worm, but in this case even the early bird would be lucky to find even a single insect.

The situation may sound bad, but trust me, it could very easy make a turn for the worst in a matter of days. If the air suddenly decided to turn frigid and behave accordingly to the actual season, the newborn plants could freeze over, greatly reducing their numbers in warmer months. Maybe this won’t be the year for a bountiful garden, either. Still, this possibility was nothing compared to what I was about to see sitting on the back porch one day.

I could scarcely believe my eyes – A parrot, right there in my very yard! Only in pet stores had I viewed this bird in person before, since these tropical creatures tend to prefer a warm and balmy climate, whereas I prefer to stick to a New England sort of atmosphere. Nonetheless, there it was, perhaps being confused by the unusual temperature for this time of year and having taken a wrong turn somewhere. Rather stunned by this uncommon visitor, I was experiencing “deer in the headlights syndrome,” snapping back to my senses only when the bird was already flapping its wings, headed back out on its journey. How I wish I could have questioned where it had hoped to arrive, because I can almost guarantee that this area is not exactly a hot spot in past years at this month.

Forget about the plants for now, I think that we need snow more desperately at the moment. If not for the sake of canceled school and snowmen, but for the poor animals at their wit’s ends, trying to make sense of the situation!

Encounters with frustrating people are inevitable – This is America, after all. Many times have I heard classmates at school grumbling about their desire to graduate and rid themselves of the immature morons they are surrounded by, but the truth is, there is no place on Earth where you won’t have forced interactions with the less competent among us. Those same bumbling idiots will still be out there despite their qualifications, perhaps even in the same occupation as yourself. Just because someone has gone to school and holds a prestigious position in their field doesn’t mean they have any common sense. Just take a look at our president!

Case in point would seem to be my father’s old teammates at a certain marketing job at a company that will remain unnamed. I don’t know these people from personal experience, but every single day after work, we would sit down to dinner and he would tell yet another tale of some incredibly counter-intuitive strategy suggested or half-baked ideas employed by a coworker. While I can’t verify every detail of his accounts, just hearing the basic scenarios make me seriously question the authority of your standard white-collar salary person.

One particular family dinner began with a story that I found absolutely hilarious, if completely inappropriate on my father’s behalf. Apparently there was some disagreement over the effectiveness of their current product’s logo, especially because it was different in two different countries. After a long and frustrating discussion, my dad took it upon himself to design an entirely new logo. Quite creative if you ask me! It had a similar overall shape to one of the original images… Albeit not something that most of his coworkers would probably look at in a positive light. To put it flatly, my dad decided that to best illustrate his feelings for this team, it was only sensible to make them a logo including a steaming pile of shit.

I kid you not. Once I saw the infamous design for myself, it was only a matter of days before I embarked on the task of making a scale model. It reminded me of the adorable pile of happy poo I had first seen ages ago, so I based the overall shape off of this inspiration. The very next work day after I had presented my creation to my dad, it had found a place of honor next to a copy of the innovative new logo itself.

I don’t know if my smiling shit was such a big hit in the office, but it definitely had its share of fans among my friends who saw it in progress. Before the original was even completed, I had received numerous requests from others who wanted their very own crocheted poop. Sadly, I didn’t take notes as I went along, so I would have to start again from scratch if I were to attempt a second version. I suppose that for now atleast, my dad’s will remain the one and only.

Although maybe… This shortage is for the best. There’s already so much shit we all deal with every day, after all.

Long gone are the days of quietly giving out presents and having hardly an envelope to open for myself; I’ve been so badly spoiled lately, I wouldn’t be entirely surprised if my complexion began to resemble something like a slice of moldy bread. All these gifts and hardly a worthy reason! Aside from holiday madness, I’ve also been spoiled by yet another lovely swap, this time with the creative and talented Jen of Persephone’s Awakening.

Posting my first try at the asphyxiation choker months ago generated quite a bit of interest, and prompted the beginnings of our swap. This now made my third version, this time in a deep purple that is hardly done justice by the terrible artificial lighting employed in my photos. Having had so much practice with this pattern, by the time I finished the piece, I could probably have made it in my sleep. What was once an complicated and frustrating page of text that was barely comprehensive now proved to be… Simple and relaxing. Just goes to show, practice makes perfect!

But enough of my boring contribution. What’s really exciting is the fantastic crafted goods I got from Jen in exchange! It was a long, hard wait, but anything worthwhile certainly takes time, so I tried hard not to let my impatience over come me. Of course, it was only when I wasn’t actually home to receive the package that it finally arrived at my door step, but it was still a wonderful surprise to find upon my return. Before unpacking my suitcase or checking my email, my greedy little hands were tearing through the tape and cardboard, hungry to get a hold of my newest treat.

Thank goodness I was able to hold on long enough for Jen to complete her crafts, because as you can see, they came out just lovely! Not only are the little felt appliques adorable, but both the bag and purse match! In addition, she even sent the sweetest kit of materials to create your own felt ornament, although I couldn’t get an adequate picture of that. Sure, it’s too late to make anything to hang on a tree now, but I’m sure that I can make something seasonally appropriate to hang somewhere in the house instead.

Such a perfect choice too, because I’m always complaining about not having the right size of bag to transport my knitting with me. I’ll have to save this one for non-school days so that it doesn’t get dirty though – I would hate to ruin such nice work. Thank you Jen, I absolutely love all of it!

Perhaps not the most timely of posts, but seeing that the new year has only begun to feebly rise on it’s newborn legs in this first week of January, it’s not so crazy of me to think backwards a few days to the moment we changed calendars again.

As gifts were going into boxes and being adorned by bright papers and ribbons, I still had no idea what to give my Japanese teacher for the holidays. In most cases, I wouldn’t spend so much time fussing over a teacher gift, but Keiko Sensei has been so understanding and accommodating of the past four years that I’ve known her, she really did deserve some special thanks for the holidays. The dilemma, of course, was that I wasn’t even sure if she celebrated Christmas in the first place! Going the safer route, I knew that New Years was a particularly important day in Japanese culture, so I decided to borrow one of it’s most important symbols – the Kagami Mochi.

Traditionally made of two small lumps of pounded rice stacked up like a miniature snow man and topped with a diminutive mikan or daidai (Similar to a small orange), every respectable household in Japan will display their kagami mochi just in time for the New Year. It typically sits around for a week or so after the appointed date, at which time it will be a bit drier and cracked, primed to be broken up and eaten by members of the family to celebrate a fresh start.

In my house, I make a cheater’s mochi made of nothing more than mochiko (Glutenous rice flour) blended with water and formed into the standard shapes, no pounding or kneading necessary. It tends to be much more brittle than the real thing, so we never actually eat our mochi. In fact, it’s become a new tradition as of last year that approximately one week after January 1st, we take our mochi out into the backyard, douse it with lighter fluid, and… Torch the thing. No, I am not making this up.

Anyway… My yarn-based mochi was a pretty hot commodity, too. Sensei loved it, finding a home for it on the shelf in class as well. She didn’t make me bleed this time, but I’ll just assume she still loved it just as much since I wasn’t in the room when she chose to unwrap it.

Now, I can’t wait until night falls so that this year’s real kagami mochi can bite the dust like a smoldering asteroid fallen in our backyard. Such a sweet way to start the new year, don’t you think?

Already the prime holiday rush is upon us, giving close to no warning before settling in and now not even a week remains until Christmas day. For many people, that means an onslaught of family and friends, sometimes people you only see this one time of the year. Such joyous reunions to look forward to, touching stories saved up for this very occasion… And so much to do to keep everyone happy. This means cooking, cleaning, and entertaining for days on end. Personally, I can’t keep up that sort of facade for more than 12 hours, so I don’t know how the rest of you do it – Any one who can host an event for an extended period of time has my deepest respect.

With this thought in mind, I was bustling around the kitchen as per usual, banging out a few trays of cookies to be handed out at school later in the week, when the doorbell rang with loud inpatience. Who could it be, I wondered to myself? Although we do spend time with the relatives throughout the handful of days alloted to Hannukah, most everyone lives amazingly close, so we don’t usually have anyone stay at our house. Abandoning the scorching the oven, I cautiously opened the door and glancing around quickly so as not to invite some mad sales person in by accident. What a surprise I saw; It was Uncle Billy, here to celebrate the holidays with us! …Invitation? What’s an invitation when you’re all family? Ohh, clearly nothing at all…

Not a moment had passed upon walking through the front door before Uncle Billy had caught a whiff of my baking and was hurriedly moving toward the source of the scent. Struggling to hoist his excessive luggage in behind him, it was a few moments before I could catch up with his rampant sweet tooth. By the time I made it into the kitchen with an inviting smile plastered on my tired face, he was already making short work of my ginger snaps.

Try as I might to explain, Uncle Billy couldn’t grasp the fact that these cookies were not gifts for him, but destined for friends at school… Well, they were… With crumbs caught so very unattractively in his goatee, he polished off the sizable stack of sweets in front of him and began looking around ravenously, seeking out other goodies that had clearly been prepared in anticipation of his arrival, despite the fact that he had failed to even give us fair warning. Thankfully, while he was busy scarfing down my latest tray of cutouts, I had time to stash the rest before he could claim them for himself.

Disappointed by the lack of edible delights available at the time, he resigned himself to the television in order to watch some football, no doubt. Or so I thought…

Searching around for a quick dinner idea to throw together that would keep us all fed, I decided to scavenge through the pantry for inspiration. Apparently Uncle Billy had the same thought as well! I have no clue how he managed to get by me into the other room, but the damage that he had already done was nothing short of impressive. Full boxes of crackers and packaged cookies were laid to waste; Only plastic wrapping and cardboard skeletons to indicate that they had once contained food.

Seeing him making eyes at even the canned pumpkin sitting beside him, I thought it might be best to hurry him out of there so that the rest of us didn’t go hungry that night. Attempting to keep him busy and out of my hair (And food!) for long enough that I could cook a real meal for us all, I set Uncle Billy to work on a mission to program the VCR. Nobody can do that, so I figured that should give me atleast an hour or so before he realized the futility in his efforts and gave up.

Finally having a minute to breath, I thoroughly enjoyed the warmth of the stove and quiet tick of the clock, stirring a thick stew and simply appreciating the calm. Seeing that my concoction was nearly done, I went back to the laundry room where a few herbs were set to dry, and where I could gather some other seasonings ready to go. What I walked in upon was so disturbing, I very nearly spun around on my heel and closed the door without a word…

It was Uncle Billy, at it again, but this time he was munching on a sprig of raw sage. I kid you not. No one could be so hungry, not even if he had multiple stomachs! Maybe it’s time we invested in some locks for the cabinets, atleast for the time being…

I can’t believe there’s still so many days until Christmas. Now the stretch of time seems agonizing in comparison. I’m just hoping that we aren’t eaten out of house and home before then… Good luck to everyone else and your insatiable house guests!

At this point, I can only imagine that my poor oven is about ready to go on strike. Groaning and rattling at every request for increased temperature, it has hardly had an hour to cool down. Walking into the kitchen, the atmosphere feels the same as walking across the equator, only drier heat and with sweeter smelling air by far. In the past three or four days alone, I’ve been working on cupcakes, brownies, birthday cake, gingerbread… And that’s not even half of what remains on my “to-bake” list. The next week will bring only more birdays, more holiday cookies, desserts for family dinners, all of which will be due on very inflexible deadlines.

I don’t mind the rush [yet], but the frenetic energy filling the house can sometimes cause small mistakes or simple oversights as one rushes to get everything done. Brain farts, if you will. The gingerbread I mentioned had been destined to become the structure of a small house, but in my haste, for some inexplicable reason I decided to use a brand new, untested recipe. Bear in mind, I do have a solid, tried and true method for crisp and delicious gingersnaps, perfectly suitable to be enlarged to create sturdy walls… But somehow I didn’t make that connection at the time. Suffice to say, the results were less than satisfactory, and my plans to build a cookie-based home will have to be put on hold until January when things calm down a bit. Such is life, although I won’t deny my disappointment by this twist of fate.

Trying to exist independly of my overworked oven for atleast one afternoon, I turned to a different tried and true method for gingerbread. Upon request, I revisited this pattern, but making small modifications to turn the faux-gingerbread man into a sweet little bear instead. All that was really necissary to complete the transformation was the addition of ears and a nose, but for some reason I find this second attempt somehow more endearing. I guess I really am more of an animal – person than a people – person.

Now if you would excuse me, I think I need to start pre-heating the oven…