Atrocious Trivets

I’m sure that years from now, this will be one of those projects you look back on and wonder, “What the HELL was thinking when I made this?!” I even debated posting it here for fear of being reported to the brutally honest but hilarious bloggers at What Not to Crochet.

First of, no, I did not write this pattern so I am not solely at fault for this abomination. I’m sure the writers had the best intentions in mind as well, and perhaps it wouldn’t have morphed into the embarrassment that it became had a chose a more agreeable color scheme. While I wish it were that easy, in a way, it really wasn’t a choice. It was to be a gift for my aunt who recently painted her new kitchen “pumpkin orange.” So maybe she should be the one to blame here. I did think that the shade of orange yarn was a bit off even without having seen its intended home, my mother assures me that it will go perfectly. Or maybe not perfectly, something to that effect. At the very least not offensively?

Didn’t get a good look of them there? Yeah, that’s kind of the point. Oh, and you thought they were supposed to be pot holders based on the name of the pattern and all? Me too, until I got half way though the beginning and realized the meaning of “accent” pot holders. Defined more accurately as “useless” pot holders. Considerate niece am I, who gives her loving aunt a pair of pot holders filled with holes, just waiting for someone fool enough to try and pick up something actually hot with them. Who’d have imagined that’s what those were for!

Feeling justly like a moron, I still refused to back down, now that all this yarn had been paid for and they were already well on their to becoming finished… Pot holders? No, I’m sorry, that won’t work unless I’m trying to encourage third degree burn and simultaneously discourage home cooking.

And that is how they magically became trivets. Trivets have the easy life anyways; They don’t need to be very structurally sound, only need to prevent counters and other inanimate objects from getting overheated, and best of all (Especially for this pair) they are always the landing zones for pots, allowing much less face time in public.

Okay, just because I know you’re all so morbidly curious to see these like a crowd drawn to a car crash, here’s a clearer picture (But don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

This is one gift I’ll be more than happy to send off and never see again. I fully expect to find them in the attic some day, many years from now, and wonder what on earth posessed me to create such a thing.