Bestsellers on Black Friday are typically high-end electronics, kid’s toys, luxury fragrances, and jewelry. Of course, blissfully oblivious to conventional door busters, this past holiday season, I ended up walking away with a kitchen axe.
What does one do with a kitchen axe?
Did I need a kitchen axe? Absolutely not. The most important function of a kitchen axe is that it could scare off potential intruders and makes you look like a badass. Practically though, I had no idea what I would use it for.
Conventional wisdom would suggest that this is a blade meant for heavy-duty butchery, like a cleaver on steroids, but that’s a misconception. It’s actually an entirely unique and very useful tool*
- The long handle is designed for an arcing swing to channel a lot of power into a single strike, which is ideal for cracking open whole coconuts.
- The gently curved blade is ideal for rocking over fresh herbs for a consistent, fine mince.
- The wide metal head is excellent for slicing through large, hard vegetables, like winter squash, jicama, or celery root.
- The small size is compact and great for travel. It fits easily into any purse so you’ll always be properly equipped on the go.
- The razor-sharp edge will do the job in case of emergency dismemberment, decapitation, or disembowelment needs.
*A kitchen axe is in fact, poorly suited for all culinary tasks compared to comparable butcher’s knives or simply blunt objects, such as bricks or rocks. It’s only a good gift for someone you think would look better with fewer fingers. Proceed with extreme caution and many bandages on hand, literally.