BitterSweet

Sweet Musings with a Bitterly Sharp Wit


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Another Nod to Nog

In case nine different nog options weren’t enough for you, I’ve got one more eggless trick up my sleeve this holiday season. Recipes for vegan eggnog abound, from raw, nut-based blends to cooked custards that approximate melted ice cream, and all of those approaches are welcome in my punch bowl. You can’t go too far wrong with this classic combination of sugar and spice. Even in the worst case situations, a certain “spirited” addition can erase all other culinary sins.

Truth be told, this particular formula still can’t hold a candle to my winning pick for this year’s Nog Off, but it’s an uncanny dupe for the majority of mainstream varieties. Thick and silky smooth just like the commercial formulas, this particular rendition brings more vanilla and nutmeg to the fore, without the excessive sweetness that so many brands inject.

It’s all because of an effort to clear out overstuffed kitchen cabinets that I stumbled upon leftover dregs of VeganEgg samples. Surprised to discover that no one else had yet turned this instant egg substitute into nog, I took it upon myself to fill that void. Thus, here’s one more decadent, delicious vegan nog to sip and savor this holiday season. You’re welcome, internet.

VeganEgg Nog

3/4 Cup Cold Water
1/2 Cup Granulated Sugar
2 Tablespoons VeganEgg
1/8 Teaspoon Kala Namak
3 1/2 Cups Non-Dairy Milk
1/4 Teaspoon Ground Nutmeg
1 Teaspoon Vanilla Extract
1/2 Cup Bourbon, or Additional Non-Dairy Milk for an Alcohol-Free Option

To Serve (Optional):

Whipped Coconut Cream
Ground Nutmeg

 

Place the water and sugar in your blender first and start the machine up on low speed. While the motor runs, slowly sprinkle the powdered VeganEgg into the center of the liquid vortex. It’s essential that you do this in a blender and not by hand with a whisk, as it will clump and become a nasty, chunky, unsalvageable mess. That’s no way to get into the holiday spirit!

Continue processing while adding the kala namak, non-dairy milk, and nutmeg. Once smooth, transfer the mixture to a medium saucepan set over moderate heat on your stove. Bring to a boil, whisking periodically, and immediately turn off the heat. Let cool before placing in the fridge. It may look somewhat thin while still warm, but have faith; it will continue to thicken as it cools. Allow at least 2 – 3 hours for it to chill thoroughly.

Pour the nog back into the blender and add the vanilla and bourbon, or more non-dairy milk if you’d like to keep it non-alcoholic. Blend once more until creamy and ladle into glasses. To serve, top with whipped coconut cream and one last sprinkle of nutmeg. Cheers!

Makes 4 – 6 Servings

Printable Recipe

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It’s Easy Being Cheesy

Dear Mr. Chester Cheetah,

I take issue with your early assertions on the degree of difficulty one might encounter attempting to become properly cheesy, whether it was in regard to humor or flavor. Though the remark was somewhat ambiguous on that point, it was poignant enough to remain a prominent reference point in modern culture over three decades after the initial statement, misinforming generations of ignorant eaters. For this, countless have been deprived of full cheesy satisfaction. Respectfully, I would request that you retract this proclamation, post-haste.

Sincerely,

Hannah Kaminsky

My friends, you’ve been misinformed all these years. I’m sorry for anyone that’s been deprived of their full inalienable rights to cheesiness due to the confusion, but I’m here today to put an end to that grave injustice.

Cheese doodles, cheese puffs, cheesy poofs or any variation on the name have been a mainstay in American snacking practices since their invention in the 1930’s, yet few people have successfully recreated the same crunchy, crispy treat in their own homes. Big manufacturers would like us to believe that only specialized equipment can create that distinctive snacking experience, but it’s not so! The truth is, you just need to use your noodle and get a little bit creative.

Inspired by the Tresomega Nutrition’s Blogger Recipe Challenge, I found that the unique blend of whole grains and starches found in their gluten-free pasta could create a perfectly hearty yet light crispness with just a little bit of experimentation. Their unique composition is what will make or break the recipe, so you do want to source out the genuine article for best results.

Happily, the quinoa fusilli is available for purchase at Tresomega.com, Sams.com, Amazon.com, and Walmart.com, so there’s no need to hunt and scour grocery store shelves in vain. Technically, any shape would do the trick, but those tight spirals fry up to a perfectly crisp consistency and capture the most cheesy seasoning in every delicious bite.

Savory, salty, and oh so addictive, I daresay these just might beat that misinformed cheetah at his own game.

Once and for all, I’d like the record to state that it IS easy being cheesy, and without any dairy or gluten, either!

Cheesy Pasta Doodles

1 (8-Ounce) Box Tresomega Gluten-Free Organic Quinoa Fusilli
1 Quart Neutral Oil (For Frying)
3/4 Cup Raw Cashew Pieces
1/2 Cup Nutritional Yeast
2 Tablespoons Arrowroot
1 Tablespoon Ground Golden Flaxseeds
2 Teaspoons Onion Powder
1 Teaspoon Garlic Powder
3/4 Teaspoon Salt
1/2 Teaspoon Ground Turmeric
1/4 Teaspoon Smoked Paprika

Begin by bringing a generous pot of water up to a boil. Add in the full box of pasta, stirring to make sure the pieces don’t clump together, and cook for just 3 minutes. You’re not trying to fully cook them yet, so they should still be slightly crunchy on the inside. Drain, immediately rinse with cold water, and spread the noodles out on sturdy paper towels or a clean dish towels. Air dry thoroughly, so that they’re no longer wet or sticky to the touch.

Begin heating the neutral oil in a medium saucepan with high sides over moderate heat on the stove.

Meanwhile, prepare the cheesy seasoning by combining all of the remaining ingredients in your food processor or blender, pulsing until the nuts have broken down into a fine meal. Be careful not to overdo it or else you’ll create a cheesy cashew butter instead! For best results, freeze your cashews for 8 hours in advance to prevent them from heating up too much while processing.

Once the oil comes up to about 375 – 385 degrees, add in a handful of the par-cooked pasta, using a wire basket strainer to push the pieces around and keep them separate. Fry for 3 – 4 minutes until the pasta floats and the vigorous bubbling subsides. The pasta will not become particularly brown, so don’t judge the doneness by color.

Scoop out the finished pieces, drain away the excess oil, and let rest on fresh paper towels or dish towels for about 1 minute. Toss in a large bowl with a hefty sprinkle of the cheesy seasoning, to taste. Repeat with the remaining noodles. Serve right away.

You may have extra cheesy seasoning, which can be saved in an airtight container for up to two weeks in the fridge, or two months in the freezer.

Printable Recipe


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Salty Language

Sweet loves salty; salty loves sweet. Together, they give life to a far greater taste sensation than either could achieve individually. Even casual bakers have gotten hip to the fact that an extra pinch of salt really makes their cookies pop and chocolates sing, but what happens when you add a touch of umami into the mix?

Reach beyond the salt shaker and head straight for miso paste for this sticky, sultry caramel sauce.

Pure sodium can do wonders for this burnt sugar syrup, effectively reducing the inherent bitterness created in the Maillard reaction while simultaneously enhancing the impact of its overall sweetness. No wonder why simple salted caramel has taken hold of eaters worldwide- Even those crazy enough to declare themselves unaffected by the siren song of sugar. Now, take those same flavor enhancing properties and bolster them with a seductively savory edge, and you’ve just elevated your dish to an entirely new realm of decadence.

Cara-miso, my miso-infused caramel sauce, has no boundaries when it comes to usage. Chocolate cake pops with every bite when you grace it with a tiny drizzle; black coffee comes to life with a taste that will make you forget all about any pumpkin spice nonsense; whipped coconut cream sparks and pops with just a few drops. Naturally, this endlessly versatile syrup finds itself most at home atop luscious scoops of ice cream, but that alone wasn’t enough to satisfy my sweet tooth during the latest great heatwave. Take it even one step further for the single best milkshake you will ever stick a straw into.

If that photo alone doesn’t have you scrambling into the kitchen, I don’t know what will. Thankfully, once you whip up a batch of the caramel sauce, you’ll have enough for a few more rounds of this crave-worthy nectar made in sweet and salty heaven. Still, it might not hurt to double it, just in case.

Cara-Miso Milkshake:

2 Cups Vegan Vanilla Ice Cream
1/2 Cup Unsweetened Vanilla Non-Dairy Milk
1/4 Cup Miso Caramel Sauce, Plus More for Garnish (see following recipe)
Whipped Coconut Cream (Optional)

Cara-Miso (Miso Caramel) Sauce:

1 Cup Granulated Sugar
1/4 Cup Water
3/4 Cup Full Fat Coconut Milk
3 Tablespoons Sweet White Miso Paste
3 Tablespoons Coconut Oil
1/4 Teaspoon Salt

To make the milkshake, simply combine the ice cream, almond milk, and caramel sauce in a blender and blend until smooth. Divide the mixture between two glasses and top with whipped coconut cream and additional caramel sauce, if desired.

For the miso caramel sauce, combine the sugar and water in medium-sized saucepan. Place the sugar and water inside before setting over moderate heat. Resist the urge to stir, but rather, gently swirl the pan in a circular motion mix the contents.

Meanwhile, mix together a few tablespoons of coconut milk with the miso paste. Whisk vigorously to thoroughly incorporate the miso. Make sure that there are no remaining lumps before stirring in the rest of the coconut milk, and set aside.

Continue to cook the sugar mixture, swirling occasionally, until it turns deep amber in color, but do not allow it to begin smoking or smelling burnt. You want to cook it to a fairly dark shade to give it the most flavor, but if it smells burnt, it’s already too late and you must start again. Once it begins to color, it will progress very quickly, so do not walk away at this point.

Once deeply colored, very carefully pour in the coconut milk along with the coconut oil. The mixture is likely to sputter and bubble up, so you may want to stand to the side while making this addition, and it’s not a bad idea to wear long sleeves to cover your arms, just in case. The mixture may seize and crystallize slightly, but don’t worry, it’s easy to fix. Continue to cook the syrup over gentle heat until any crystals are dissolved and the mixture is completely smooth again. Stir in the salt and turn off the heat.

Let cool completely before using or storing in a glass jar.

Milkshake Makes 2 Servings
Caramel Sauce Makes about 1 1/2 Cups

Printable Recipe


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As Good As Ten Mothers

Instantly, his face contorted with a mixture of skepticism and disgust. Though I knew the concept was a bit unconventional, I didn’t realize just how contentious it could be. Just one mention of the recipe sent this man into a fit of mock dry heaves, illustrating the depth of his disapproval with comic effect.

That’s when I knew I had to make it.

More infamous than any other single element of the Gilroy Garlic Festival, garlic ice cream has become the main event for many. Tiny cones of soft serve can be found in every corner of the pungent fair grounds, delighting and appalling in equal measure. Gaining mainstream traction, or at least dubious acceptance, purely as a novelty, the idea nonetheless captured my imagination. Rather than playing it up as a token offering merely for shock value, my goal was to truly celebrate the sweeter side of garlic.

Slowly roasted to golden caramelized perfection, the cloves lose their assertive, harsh bite, bringing their natural sugars to the fore. Every cook and eater the world over has experienced this glorious transformation and knows the magic well. The real secret ingredient in my blend, however, is black garlic. Aged for at least 30 days, the cloves turn into spreadable nuggets of pure garlic candy. The mysterious process transforms the ubiquitous seasoning into an entirely new ingredient, difficult to describe but impossible to forget. It’s the key here to balancing out the more savory undertones of the garlic, while maintaining its integrity. The end results should still taste like garlic, after all- Not like syrupy scampi sauce.

Crunchy garlic chips aren’t necessary to enjoy the full effect of this ode to garlic, but they do undeniably elevate it to a higher level, fit for a fancy affair if you should be so bold. Though they make the scoops look tiny, go for the giant, oversized cloves found in elephant garlic, which are easily 4 times the size of the average bulb and far milder in flavor. They’ll add a satisfying crunch to contrast with this creamy, cool treat.

Granted, this unusual frozen dessert will not be for everyone, like my aforementioned critical friend. Proceed with an open mind and a genuine love of garlic, and you will be in for a treat.

In reference to the post title, if you didn’t see the eponymous documentary, you really must do yourself a favor and download it, posthaste. Another friend on mine, not featured in this brief story, has told me that it was what inspired her to move to California many years ago.

Garlic Ice Cream

3 Cups Plain Non-Dairy Milk
1 1/2 Tablespoons Arrowroot
2/3 Cup Granulated Sugar
2 Tablespoons Light Agave Nectar
1/4 Teaspoon Salt
1/4 Cup Vegan Cream Cheese
1 Tablespoon Black Garlic, Mashed
2 Teaspoons Roasted Garlic, Mashed

Garlic Chips (Optional):

2 – 3 Cloves Elephant Garlic
Olive Oil Spray

To make the ice cream, simply toss all the ingredients into your trusty blender or food processor. Thoroughly puree on high speed for for 2 – 3 minutes, until completely smooth. Pass the mixture through a fine strainer to ensure a flawlessly silky texture, if desired.

Transfer to a medium saucepan and set over moderate heat. Cook, whisking occasionally, until the mixture just comes to a boil. Turn off the heat and let cool. Chill for at least 1 hour in the refrigerator before churning in your ice cream maker according to the manufacturer’s instructions.

Spoon the soft ice cream into an airtight container, and let set in the freezer for at least 3 hours before serving, until solid enough to scoop.

For the garlic chips, peel and slice the giant cloves of elephant garlic as thinly as possible. If you have a small mandoline to ensure consistency, now is when you want to break it out. Lay out the slices in one even layer on a silpat- or parchment paper-line baking sheet, making sure that none overlap.

Lightly spritz with olive oil to evenly coat the pieces. Bake in an oven preheated to 375 degrees 15 – 30 minutes (depending on the thickness of your slices), rotating the pan and flipping over the slices every 10 minutes or so to ensure even cooking, until golden brown and crispy. Let cool and store in an airtight container at room temperature for 2 – 3 days, maximum. Top scoops of ice cream with garlic chips as desired.

Makes About 1 Quart Ice Cream

Printable Recipe


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Wave of the Future

If you can blend it, you can milk it. Once defined and dominated by soybeans alone, the very nature of non-dairy drinks is hotly debated by enthusiasts and detractors alike, struggling to find commonalities that might link that vast array of plant-based sources crowding out the antiquated plastic jugs of cow juice. It’s not just the sales figures that are booming, but the unparalleled variety and access that consumers can now enjoy, just as easily opting for an almond, hemp, or oat mustache instead. New blends are still popping up rapidly, before you can even empty your first frothy glass. Now, along with those nutty and beany staples, the lactose intolerant can stock their fridges with banana milk.

Banana Wave presents itself as a game changer seeking to disrupt the industry, but the whole truth is less likely to make real waves. Built upon a foundation of bananas, soymilk, and gluten-free oats, in that order, it’s more like a thin blended smoothie than a true dairy substitute, bearing a viscosity similar to a simple protein shake.

Surprisingly subdued in flavor, the initial impact was less sweet and potent than anticipated, perhaps to placate drinkers that might not be entirely on board with a fruity intrusion. Flax oil, though a welcome change of pace from lower quality canola or safflower, contributes a discordant note and slightly mineral aftertaste. An impressive battery of vitamins and minerals bolster the nutritional profile, proving that it has more to offer than the average watery mammalian formula. Undeniably smooth and creamy, it certain still has its charm. I could see this being a great grab-and-go snack, if only it was packaged in single-serving cartons. Overall, it’s a great concept that hasn’t yet realized its own full potential. I’m looking forward to the day when I see Banana Wave on the shelf, right alongside the heavyweights battling it out for non-dairy dominance, but I don’t think it’s quite ready to roll with the punches just yet.


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All It’s Choc-ed Up To Be

Walk two steps into your average supermarket, corner store, or pharmacy, and you’re liable to trip over a stand of assorted chocolate temptations. The field has grown at an exponential rate ever since the first bite of tempered cacao passed through discerning lips, and that explosive growth shows no sign of slowing down. It’s impossible to keep up with all the new varieties proliferating from old favorites, let alone stay in the loop about fledgling brands. Any reasonable person can at least appreciate a good square of chocolate, so it doesn’t take much to explain the steady upward trend.

Valentine’s Day is a particularly good excuse to single out some exceptional chocolate options, should you need a reason to indulge in the first place. Gourmet truffles represent the height of the art form, but for the more casual chocoholic, a whole world of superlative bars now exist within easy reach, right on shelves alongside more accessible sweets.

Better known for their whole grains, Alter Eco has colored countless meals with their rainbow of quinoa options, but also pours that same passion for quality into their chocolate molds. Carefully, consciously sourced in order to support the farmers and workers contributing to every step of the process, it’s a brand I feel especially proud to call local to the San Francisco bay area. They truly put their money where their mouth is… In between bites of luscious cacao, of course.

Not all their confections are vegan, but the dairy-free options are so dark, rich, and deeply satisfying that it’s hard to understand why they would need such a crutch at all. Look no further than the Quinoa, Mint, and Orange varieties to see for yourself.

Move over Crunch and Crackle! The most unique option of the three, popped quinoa offers all the crispy texture you love, with the sophisticated, slightly bitter chocolate you crave. Just sweet enough to take the edge off, it’s the darkest of these three, which makes even a tiny shard quite satisfying. The quinoa adds very little flavor, but big visual and textural impact. You get all the whimsy of a childhood classic but with serious chocolate taste.

Mint chocolate is perhaps one of the most perfect flavor marriages in my mind, and this rendition does not disappoint. Luscious herbal aroma perfumes the air as soon as the seal is broken, revealing a flawlessly molded bar. Tempered to a crisp snap, it has a smooth, creamy melt with a refreshing, bright, but not overpowering undercurrent of mint. Well-balanced sweetness highlights the fresh flavor while rounding out the chocolate profile.

Substantial, chunky pieces of candied zest immediately gleam across the surface of the orange twist bar. Subtly smoky, woodsy chocolate lends a more earthy essence to contrast with the bold taste of citrus. The orange itself is relatively subdued, but still clean and fresh. Those whole pieces are the best element, adding a bit of chew and excitement into the experience.

Even bad chocolate is generally pretty good, but with so many exceptional options to choose from now, why settle for second rate? It doesn’t need to be a special occasion to indulge in any of these delights.