BitterSweet

Sweet Musings with a Bitterly Sharp Wit


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Ask the Magic Eight Ball

Did you have one of these all-knowing oracles when you were a kid? An insightful and sage advisor with a clear vision of the future, the magic eight ball was indispensable for an indecisive child like myself. Such helpful words of wisdom it dispensed on command! So many problems solved in an instant!

Okay, in truth, my magic eight ball was not the greatest resource in trying times. Maybe it was still in training as a psychic, or had some commitment issues, but I could never seem to get a straight answer out of that thing. Even if I asked it something simple, like, “should I eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch?” it would respond with something dismissive. “ask again later,” or “cannot predict now” were the top two results, no matter how lovingly or aggressively that silly plastic ball was shaken. I doubt it even had a single word of positive reinforcement to offer from its narrow rolodex of comments.

Many years later, I’ve come to find that I was seeking inspiration from the wrong eight ball entirely. Eight ball zucchini, while lacking in fortune telling skills, are unmatched in their culinary consolation. No matter how many zucchini have infiltrated your kitchen at this late stage of the summer harvest, these compact spheres can instantly renew your enthusiasm for the green squash.

Begging to be stuffed with delights both sweet and savory, there’s no limit to their potential, unlike the answers offered by an old-school magic eight ball.

Imagine, if you would, the ultimate breakfast and brunch entree. An eggless custard that falls somewhere between a soft scramble and a tender omelette, bursting with fresh vegetables and simple, comforting savory flavors. The essence of summer resounds in every bite. Who could stay hung up on murky future fates when you’ve got one of these lucky little orbs on your plate? Ask of them only questions of utmost importance, like when will the meal be served, and I promise you’ll never walk away disappointed.

Eggless Omelette Eight Ball Zucchini

4 – 5 Medium-Sized Eight Ball Zucchini
1/2 Cup Garbanzo Bean Flour
2 Tablespoons Fresh Dill or Basil, Minced
2 Teaspoons Arrowroot
1/2 Teaspoon Garlic Powder
1/2 Teaspoon Kala Namak (Black Salt)
1/8 Teaspoon Freshly Ground Black Pepper
1/8 Teaspoon Ground Turmeric
1/3 Cup Chopped Sun-Dried Tomatoes
1/4 Cup Diced Red Onion
1/2 Cup Vegetable Stock
2 Tablespoons Olive Oil
1 Teaspoon Apple Cider Vinegar

Preheat your oven to 375 degrees and set out a baking sheet lined with parchment paper or a silpat.

Slice the stems off the zucchinis about 1/2 an inch from the top and set aside. Using a pointed teaspoon, grapefruit spoon, or melon baller, hollow out the insides of the squash, leaving about a 1/4-inch thick wall on the sides and bottom. Roughly chop the innards and set aside. Brush lightly with olive oil, inside and out, and place the squash shells on your prepared baking sheet. Bake for 10 – 15 minutes, until fork-tender but still firm.

Meanwhile, prepare the filling by whisking together the garbanzo bean flour, fresh herbs, arrowroot, garlic powder, black salt, pepper, and turmeric. Make sure that all the dry ingredients are well combined before adding in the leftover zucchini pieces, sun-dried tomatoes, and onion, tossing to coat. Pour the vegetable stock, oil, and vinegar in all at once, and whisk until smooth (aside from the vegetable additions, of course.)

After par-baking, fill the zucchini up to the top with the eggless omelette mixture. Place the zucchini tops on the baking sheet next to them, lightly brush with oil, and return the whole thing to the oven.

Bake until the filling is softly set; about 30 – 35 minutes. Serve right away while piping hot, or let cool to enjoy at room temperature.

Makes 4 – 5 Stuffed Eight Ball Zucchinis; 2 – 3 Servings

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Simmer Down Now

Sweet dreams beget savory cravings. Balancing out long days of baking that spill over into visions of sweets well into my waking hours, the first thing on my mind in the morning is anything but another sugary meal. Spice, zest, acidity; anything to wake up my taste buds without another saccharine treat. Syrup-drenched pancakes still beckon, as does that comforting crunch of frosted cold cereal flakes, but an innate yearning for bolder seasoning pushes me further into the pantry for alternative options.

Bleary-eyed and barely conscious, finding any shortcut for satisfying that gnawing hunger is a merciful windfall. I’m certainly not above lazily throwing a slice of bread under the broiler and calling it a day, but when it takes only a few minutes longer to whip up a truly satisfying, savory meal, why not make something a bit more special? Perusing the usual pantry options after one particularly brutal wake up call, finding a packet of taco simmer sauce was like uncovering the holy grail right in your own backyard.

Recently released by Simply Organic, their ingenious Southwest Taco Simmer Sauce promises warm notes of chili peppers, tangy tomato, rich cumin, and savory oregano, and it doesn’t disappoint. Claiming that it’s best with beef and positioned merely as a taco night aid struck me as rather shortsighted, though. Maybe it was the sleep-deprived delirium that inspired my unconventional #OrganicMoments, but all I could think about was a fresh, spicy take on French Toast.

Thickly sliced country bread takes a dip in a rich bath of coconut milk, infused with this delicately nuanced blend, coming together almost instantly. A crisp sear on the outside locks in a rich, savory custard interior, a perfectly proportional contrast to delight the taste buds. No sugar need apply for this bold new breakfast option. Best of all, such a unique palate of flavors means that it needn’t be confined to the AM hours; ideal for brunch or dinner as well, the concept easily transcends traditional mealtime boundaries.

Toppings are hardly necessary when you start with such a brilliant base, but it’s impossible to resist a few generous slices of luscious avocado, at the very least. Pepitas add a hearty crunch, and the brightness of simple pico de gallo perfects the meal for me, but the sky is truly the limit. Dream up your own #OrganicMoments with a wide range of savory finishes, such as vegan cheese or sour cream, sliced tomatoes, grilled corn, shredded cabbage, or black beans. On the other hand, simply going au naturel and digging right in wouldn’t disappoint.

This post was made possible thanks to sponsorship by Simply Organic.

Savory Tex-Mex French Toast

3/4 Cup Full-Fat Coconut Milk
1 Packet Simply Organic Southwest Taco Simmer Sauce
1 Tablespoon Arrowroot
1 Tablespoon Nutritional Yeast
4 – 6 (1-Inch Thick) Slices Hearty Country Bread

To Serve:

Sliced Avocado
Pico de Gallo
Toasted Pepitas

In a large, shallow dish, whisk together the coconut milk, simmer sauce, arrowroot, and nutritional yeast. Once smooth, dip the first two slices of bread into the mixture, allowing the pieces to soak for about a minute before flipping them over to the opposite side. You want to saturate the slices without having them disintegrate into the liquid.

Meanwhile, begin heating a large skillet over medium heat. Use nonstick or lightly grease any other material. Once hot, gently place the saturated bread onto the sizzling surface, and let cook, undisturbed, for 3 – 4 minutes. Peek to check on the underside; if it’s nicely golden-brown, go ahead and give it a flip. Cook for another 3 – 4 minutes on the opposite side.

Transfer to a serving plate and top with as many of the suggested garnishes as desired. Repeat with the remaining bread, and enjoy!

Makes 2 – 3 Servings

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Stud Muffins

More than mere eye-candy, these fine specimens are potential suitors with real substance. Undeniably dark and handsome, it’s hard not to fall for their good looks even at a glance, but there’s so much more to love in each tempting crumb.

Want a partner who won’t insult your intelligence? These fellas are a smart choice, made of high-fiber coffee flour and bolstered by whole wheat, staying with you all morning when so many flaky pastries will let you down. Seeking a bit of adventure in the everyday? Subtly fruity, nutty, and lightly scented with rich cinnamon, each bite provided a flavorful departure from the typical breakfast baked good.

Prepare to meet your perfect match, at least when it comes to sweet muffin romance.

Coffee Flour Crumb Muffins

2 Cups White Whole Wheat Flour
1 Cup Coffee Flour
2 Teaspoons Baking Powder
1 Teaspoon Baking Soda
1 Teaspoon Ground Cinnamon
3/4 Teaspoon Salt
1 1/2 Cups Plain Non-Dairy Milk
1/2 Cup Dark Brown Sugar, Firmly Packed
1 Teaspoon Apple Cider Vinegar
1/2 Teaspoon Vanilla Extract
1/2 Cup Olive Oil
1/2 Cup Pitted and Chopped Dates
1/4 Cup Toasted and Chopped Pecans

Crumb Topping:

2 Tablespoons White Whole Wheat Flour
2 Tablespoons Coffee Flour
3 Tablespoons Dark Brown Sugar, Firmly Packed
2 Tablespoons Toasted and Chopped Pecans
1/4 Teaspoon Ground Cinnamon
1 1/2 Tablespoons Olive Oil

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees and lightly grease 12 muffin tins.

In a large bowl, sift the white whole wheat flour, coffee flour, baking powder and soda, cinnamon, and salt. Stir to combine and thoroughly distribute all of the dry goods throughout the mixture.

Separately, mix together the non-dairy milk of your choice, brown sugar, vinegar, and oil. Pour the liquids into the bowl of dry ingredients, stirring lightly just to bring the batter together. Add the dates and pecans last, folding them in gently. A few errant lumps in the dough are perfectly fine.

For the crumb topping, simply stir together all of the ingredients with a fork until the mixture clumps together in large pieces, approximately the size of peas.

Distribute the muffin batter between your prepared tins, mounding them generously towards the center. Sprinkle the crumb topping over each one as evenly and equally as possible.

Bake for 20 – 24 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into the center pulls out clean. Let cool completely before enjoying!

Makes 12 Muffins

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Flipping Over Pancakes

The greatest traditions of excess are born from their polar opposites, of fasts or famines, celebrating, repenting, or simply surviving. Shrove Tuesday carries that torch with unmatched enthusiasm, having evolved into an unrestrained eating and drinking bender, theoretically in preparation for the 40-day Lenten fast ahead. Pancakes are the star of the menu because historically, the fresh eggs and milk already on hand would spoil during that time of abstention, so the only reasonable thing to do would be to make massive amounts of flapjacks and throw a huge party, naturally. How this simple predisposition to thriftiness evolved into the revelry and debauchery of modern day Mardi Gras is a whole ‘nother story.

Those same concerns of preventing food waste certainly aren’t of primary concern for current festivities, but the universal love of pancakes has kept the practice alive. A simple sort of decadence, pancakes are as easy and uncomplicated as they come, making themselves right at home on the fanciest and unfussiest of tables alike. Regardless, it always feels like a special occasion when diving into a fluffy short stack, buttery and sticky with maple syrup. Despite their humble nature, countless cooks still find the prospect of flipping the perfect pancake rather daunting- Myself included. My own personal pancake disasters are too numerous to recount, but particularly infamous misadventures include scrambled pancakes, pancakes that are both raw and burnt at the same time, and pancakes flipped perfectly… Outside of the pan and literally into the fire.

For this Pancake Tuesday, I decided to seek advice from a master. Sitting myself down at Saturn Cafe with full view of the open kitchen, a few key elements for pancake perfection became clear.

1. Consistency matters. This means two things, actually: The viscosity of the batter is essential for the right texture. Too runny and you’ll get crepes. Too thick and you’ll get doorstops. Your best bet is a ratio of approximately equal parts liquid to flour by weight. The other component to this concept is that you should be consistent in your delivery. Use a ladle or measuring cup to dose out the same amount of batter every time, and space them an equal distance apart. Don’t forget to allow sufficient space to flip!

2. Take it slow. Pancakes already cook quickly so there’s no need to rush things. Keep the heat closer to medium-low to prevent them from burning on the outside before cooked all the way through. Look for the surface to be covered in ruptured bubbles before proceeding.

3. Add in, don’t mix in. Goodies like nuts, fruits, and chocolate chips are often the spotlight ingredients of truly decadent pancakes, but like any celebrities, they should arrive fashionably late to the party. Mix-ins stirred directly into the batter with sink to the bottom, creating some scantily clad pancakes. Wait until they’re about halfway done cooking before sprinkling your starlets on top, keeping them evenly distributed and at the center of attention.

4. Keep it on the down-low. When it comes time for the dreaded flip, don’t try anything fancy. Don’t expect to toss those little flapjacks in the air like pizza dough and don’t pretend that you can flick the pan forward to succeed without a spatula. Check to make sure that they’re ready by peeking underneath first. If the bottom is evenly golden brown, you’re good to go. Make sure the spatula is completely underneath and supporting the cake and keep it as close to the pan as possible when you turn it over. Be firm but gentle. Don’t slap it down forcefully, unless you’d like to redecorate your kitchen walls with raw batter.

If you have flour in the pantry, you could have pancakes for breakfast. The most basic formulas need little more than that to yield ambrosial breakfast treats, to dress up or down as your heart desires. There’s no reason to wait until Fat Tuesday rolls around to break out the skillet, but while we’re all throwing caution to the wind and pouring the syrup on thick, you might as well take advantage of the celebration to indulge.


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Silent Saturday: Early Bird Gets the…

Brunch (Brussels Sprout Sandwiches, Pea Soup, Salad, and Sweet Potato Gratin) at Bio

Breakfast of Champions (Tofu Scramble, Biscuits & Gravy, Hash Brown Potatoes, Salad) at Hella Vegan Eats

Croissant from Julien & Noé

Eggless Breakfast Tacos and Salsa at Home

Power Up Plate (Scrambled V-Eggs, Bac-Un, Roasted Potatoes, and Garlic Kale) at One Veg World

Palate Cleanser: Spoonful of Fresh Berries


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Toast of the Town

Living in the land of the original $4 toast, it’s easy to become jaded about the countless open-faced sandwiches now infiltrating menus across the country. In fact, looking back at this story now, $4 seems like a remarkable bargain. It’s not uncommon to see a single slice of crusty bread command $6, $7, or even as much as $12 dollars if topped with half an avocado and paired with a frilly salad. Strange but true, the toast trend appears to be here to stay, and is only inflating alongside the inscrutable local economy.

Friends, it’s time to take toast back. I don’t mean that we should all be making Instagram-worthy edible artworks on thickly sliced, grainy artisan loaves, but that we should be able to take some average sandwich bread, throw it in a toaster, and spread something delicious on it. Is that so much to ask? I think that a lot gets lost in translation when it comes to the endless array of topping options, at least when ordering toast at a restaurant. When it arrives at the table with over an inch of spreads, vegetables, fruits, and nuts, it’s a wholly delicious creation, but don’t call it toast; you’ve gone well beyond those boundaries and into the terrain of tartines.

Getting back to home toast, all that really matters is starting out with decent bread and slathering on a quality topping. Pick out a sweet option and you could be looking at breakfast, snack, or dessert; talk about getting a real bang for your buck. Nocciolata Dairy Free will instantly cure even the most severe chocolate craving. A flawless dupe for the beloved chocolate-hazelnut spread known as Nutella, it’s sticky yet silky smooth, and honestly sweet enough to pass for frosting. It feels outrageously indulgent to pass for a morning meal, and yet somehow easy enough to rationalize as a healthy choice, thanks to all those wholesome hazelnuts packed into each jar. Don’t question that logic; just slather it on thick, and if anything, top only with a pinch of coarse salt for maximum enjoyment.

Plain nut butters naturally make for a more neutral base, but that doesn’t mean they should lack flavor. Vivapura’s raw pecan butter is a shining example of a superlative spread, positively radiating nutty aroma upon opening the jar. It’s hard to believe that something so luscious could be just so simple, containing only nuts and salt. Almond butter may be having a moment, but pecans have all that richness, and then some.

Many have decried the toast trend, pointing out blatant price gouging as if that wasn’t the case for every other dish on offer, but that’s not my MO. I just think we should start taking toast back; back into our own kitchens, and back to its more humble roots.


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Flipping Over Pancakes

A hallowed date with many names, there is all but one antiquated nickname that I can fully endorse, even as a nonsecular participant. Sorry, but the title of “Fat Tuesday” no longer fits the bill for modern times, especially when the moniker of “Pancake Tuesday” can be readily swapped in for a far more appealing and accurate label. Born of religious traditions that involve gorging oneself before the leaner days of lent, the celebratory aspect is the only piece I’m interested in, quite frankly. That’s to say nothing of how the so-called fat pancakes of yore bear little resemblance to the eggless, dairy-free flapjacks that grace my skillet today, which could run circles around those early butter-laden diet bombs. It’s no wonder that revelers would feel compelled to repent after such a gut-busting day of indulgence.

It’s time to leave those feelings of guilt and regret in the past. Pancakes are the star of the day and deserve to shine with fresh flavors, just like this punchy little short stack right here. Fluffy, lightly sweetened pillows that are no pushovers, equal parts flour and cornmeal contribute a heartier texture in addition to a subtly savory cornbread flavor. Juicy raspberries and crisp jalapenos dot the surface of each disk, making every bite both sweet and spicy. Although you could certainly cut one or the other out of the picture to simplify, especially if catering to a strong sweet tooth or salt tooth, the combination is positively invigorating, no matter what time of day you prefer to celebrate your pancakes.

Raspberry-Jalapeno Cornbread Pancakes

2/3 Cup All-Purpose Flour
2/3 Cup Finely Ground Yellow Cornmeal
1/4 Cup Granulated Sugar
1 Teaspoon Baking Powder
1 Teaspoon Baking Soda
1/4 Teaspoon Salt
3 Tablespoons Olive Oil
2/3 Cup Plain Non-Dairy Milk
1/2 Teaspoon Apple Cider Vinegar
1/2 Cup Fresh or Frozen and Thawed* Raspberries
1 Fresh Jalapeno, Seeded and Finely Diced

Additional Fresh Raspberries and Maple Syrup to Serve (Optional)

*If using frozen and thawed raspberries, just bear in mind that your pancakes will take on more of a pink hue overall, due to the excess juices. Try to drain the berries as best you can to mitigate the effects.

In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, cornmeal, sugar, baking powder and soda, and salt, mixing thoroughly to both aerate and combine the ingredients. Separately, mix the oil, non-dairy milk, and vinegar before adding all of the liquids into the bowl of dry goods. Introduce the berries and jalapeno at the same time, stirring with a wide spatula to incorporate everything into the batter. It’s perfectly fine to leave a few lumps remaining, as it’s much better than running the risk of over-mixing and creating tough pancakes.

Heat a large non-stick skillet over medium heat and very lightly grease the bottom. When hot, spoon about 1/4 cup of batter into the pan for each pancake, leaving a good amount of space in between so that there’s ample room for flipping. Lightly smooth out the tops to further round the shapes and even out any central peaks. Cook until bubbles appear all over the surface and the underside is golden brown. Flip with a spatula, and cook until equally browned on the other side.

Serve hot, topped with fresh berries and/or syrup if desired.

Makes About 4 Servings

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