Corny But Tea-rrific

Summertime in the south means brutal heat, a profusion of sweet corn at every market, and endless streams of iced tea. Combine all three into one glass and you get Sweet Corn Milk Tea.

What Is Corn Milk?

Corn milk is nothing new, of course. A longtime staple in Vietnam, China, Indonesia, Guatemala, Brazil, and beyond, the uniquely sweet properties of fresh summer corn have frequently been leveraged in both refreshing and warming drinks, depending on the region. The original experience is a bit like cereal milk, predating processed cornflakes.

  • Guatemalan corn milk, known as atole de elote, is infused with a whole cinnamon stick and served hot.
  • Cachaça, a distilled spirit made from fermented sugarcane juice, plus sweetened condensed milk enter the picture for making the Brazilian version called batida de milho verde. Consider it a more tropical version of English milk punch.
  • Susu jagung, literally “corn and milk,” is a more recent trend emerging in Indonesia, often served more as a thick dessert soup.

What Is Milk Tea?

Boba tea shops have popularized the concept with the addition of tender tapioca pearls soaked in honey syrup, but in truth, any brewed tea with a splash of milk qualifies.

  • One of the bestselling drinks in Japan, Royal Milk Tea is made with a blend of Assam and Darjeeling tea leaves and milk.
  • Robust Ceylon or Pu-Erh is the base of Hong Kong milk tea, which is lightened with canned evaporated milk.
  • Brilliantly orange-colored Thai tea is intensely sweet and aromatic, flavored with various spices and enriched with a heavy pour of sweetened condensed milk.
  • Chai isn’t just a highly spiced brew, but the generic word for tea in India. It’s simply made by steeping black tea in milk and water, then sweetening with sugar, although it’s highly encouraged to avail oneself of the wide array of aromatic spices.

We could be here all day talking about various milk teas, so suffice to say, these are a few of the many different styles.

What Is Sweet Tea?

Finally, we have classic southern sweet tea. Brewed hot in large batches to ensure that every grain of sugar has fully dissolved, it must then be chilled and served ice-cold (by law, I believe) in comically oversized glasses. Pure black tea is classic, but lemon, raspberry, and peach are common, equally beloved variants.

Put That Together And You Get: Sweet Corn Milk Tea!

Somewhere along the way to heat stroke and an afternoon nap, sweet corn began to blur the lines into sweet tea, corn milk into milk tea, and before I could stop myself, the connection had been made.

Juicy golden kernels of fresh summer corn blend into a silky-smooth pourable cream. A touch of sugar (or your favorite sugar-free alternative), salt, and vanilla heightens the naturally rich, floral, and subtly savory flavors within. This would be a brilliant topper for oatmeal, poured over pound cake, or even blended with frozen bananas to make a sunny yellow smoothie.

I’d implore you to trust the process and go forward to the full tea experience. While you can use any leaves you prefer, I’d suggest a robust black variety, such as smoky Lapsang Souchong or astringent Pekoe for a bold, bracing, and invigorating contrast. Milk tea should be soothing, while ice tea is refreshing,balancing both elements in one tall glass.

Let’s make this the summer of corn milk, shall we? If oats can hit it big, why can’t corn, the third leading grain crop in the world, do the same?

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Spirited Discussion: Vegan Cocktails

No matter how many times the spirits are distilled, the world of cocktails remains as murky as ever. Labeling laws are lax compared to any other edible product available for purchase, allowing producers to omit all potential allergens, origins, methods, and co-packers. Broad assumptions can safely be made about the basics, but as soon as any flavors are invited to the party, all bets are off. It’s tough being vegan and enjoying a truly happy hour.

Even well-meaning bartenders often forget the little details, like fish-based Worcestershire sauce in bloody Mary mix, or honey syrup sweetening a gold rush. There are some common sense guidelines to follow for keeping spirits high, but the best advice I can give? Trying your best means making mistakes sometimes, especially if you’re already one or two drinks in. I know I’ve gotten it wrong, only to find out days or even weeks later. It sucks, but it doesn’t make you any less vegan, and if it’s not a matter of allergies, it won’t hurt you either. Live, learn, and raise a glass to all the straight-up imperfections along the way.

Alcohol Processing Pitfalls

Based on some of the bizarre ingredients chosen to filter various spirits, you’d think that producers were already drunk by the time they clocked into work. These antiquated, animal-based components include:

  • Gelatin – Best known for creating chewy gummy bears and bouncy marshmallows, it’s also used to filter some types of alcohol and remove sediment. Sadly, it comes from a much less whimsical place. We’re talking about the skin, tendons, and bones, primarily from cows and pigs. Kosher gelatin is no better, as it’s typically sourced from fish.
  • Casein – This cow’s milk protein can affect the brain like hard drugs, which explains why people can get legitimately hooked on cheese. This versatile ingredient also sneaks into adhesives, paints, and various industrial products. In booze, it’s another clarifying component that won’t show up on the final label.
  • Isinglass – Imagine, if you will, the dried bladders of various fish, including cod and sturgeon, in every glass. Yes, fish bladders are just what your cocktail needs for that extra special touch. For better or for worse, you won’t be able to taste or see it.

Common Cocktail Flavorings and Fillers

Creative mixology knows no bounds, which can sometimes become problematic for those with dietary or ethical concerns. When in doubt, always ask for specifics.

  • Cream and milk – When you’re craving a real treat, thick and luscious liqueurs can make you feel like you’re drinking melted ice cream. Not all bottles with “crème” on their labels are guilty of deriving their richness from dairy fats, but unless I can confirm otherwise, I personally would stay away. Even in the case of coconut cream, this plant-based milk is sometimes padded with unlisted, unnecessary dairy derivatives.
  • Eggs – There’s more than on way to crack an egg, and that’s part of the problem when ordering a vegan mixed drink. The classic example that comes to mind is the beloved eggnog. Egg whites are popular for creating foams and many types of “fizz” cocktails, adding a velvety texture instead of more harsh bubbles from seltzer or sparkling wine. Whether they use the whole egg or just the yolk, these cocktails should be off the menu for plant-based people.
  • Honey – Often billed as a more natural sweetener, honey comes at a steep environmental price. This is an easy fix, though: Just ask the bartender to either omit it to embrace a more sour/bitter/bracing taste, or swap it for simple syrup, made from sugar instead.

Best Bets For Safer Spirits

Next time you want to stock your home bar, stick to the essentials to ensure higher quality and cleaner flavor across the board. Look hard enough and you’ll find exceptions to every rule, but generally speaking and especially for top shelf options, these are always vegan-friendly spirits because they’re distilled, rather than filtered:

  • Vodka – Made from starches such as sorghum, corn, rice, rye or wheat, or potatoes
  • Bourbon and Whiskey – made from a mixture of corn and grains
  • Rum – Made from sugarcane
  • Gin and Schnapps – Made from grains, such as wheat or barley with added juniper and/or herbs for flavoring
  • Tequila – Made from agave cactus

Smart Choices Go Beyond Veganism

No matter what you raise a glass of, please remember to drink responsibly and know your limits. If you can appreciate the vegan virtues that go into crafting your favorite cocktails while savoring the moment with friends, so much the better.

Guac The Next Happy Hour With Avocado Margaritas

When avocados and tequila meet, something magical happens. This could be the start of a spiked salad or salsa, but the fusion I’m thinking of manifests as a frozen margarita, perfect for taking the edge off on a hot summer day. We’ve already seen that avocados can do amazing things with iced coffee, so why not take it to the bar and give it a shot?

A Brief History of Avocado Margaritas

Legend has it that Curra’s Grill in Austin, TX was the first to blend the savory green fruit into a sweet and sour margarita mix. As the story goes, it came about as a dare, but the results were no joke. Many customers undoubtedly order it for similar reasons, only to become hooked on the uniquely refreshing experience. Accented with a pinch of cilantro, tequila cuts through the buttery richness of the avocado with a fresh finish.

Not one to miss a trend, Epcot’s own avocado margarita has been incredibly popular since it hit the menu at La Cava del Tequila. The “happiest place on earth” takes a sweeter approach to appeal to the masses, adding melon liqueur to boost the bright green hue and ripe, fruity flavor all at once. The glass is rimmed with lurid pink hibiscus salt, amplifying the floral notes and of course, adding an eye-catching color contrast that you can’t miss from across the bar.

Key Differences in My Avocado Margarita Recipe

While I’m not trying to re-invent the wheel here, I do think there are a few tweaks that could make the modern classic even better.

  • Swap the polarizing cilantro addition for spicy jalapeño. While strictly optional, it’s highly recommended for a little kick at the end of each sip, balancing out the creamy richness of the avocado.
  • Use fresh citrus juices instead of prepared margarita mix or more flavored liqueurs. Prepared blends are never particularly fresh or natural tasting, and almost always cloyingly sweet. Personally, I’d rather taste the tequila than cover it up, especially if I’m paying for a top shelf bottle.
  • Use flaky sea salt rather than kosher salt for the rim. It dissolves more easily for a gentler saline hit, rather than a blast of salt from chunky granules.
  • Forgo the added sugar or agave. I’d much prefer to lean in on the savory flavors of the avocado here rather than turn the mix into a boozy milkshake.

The Best Tequila For Making an Avocado Margarita

Any type of tequila will make a fine margarita. For the best blend though, I would recommend:

  1. Reposado, for its subtle sweetness, is my top pick to round out this blend with a smooth finish.
  2. Blanco, with more vegetal notes, would be great with a spicier take using the optional jalapeno.

Avocados simply make everything better. From breakfast toast to a happy hour toast, these alligator pears will always serve you well.

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New Old Fashioned

Drink Your Mushrooms?

Save your side eye for more questionable content; the idea of infusing mushrooms into drinks is nothing new. Add them to coffee or tea and call them nootropics, but at the end of the day, you’re staring down the same thing at the bottom of your glass. Though medicinal mushrooms are billed as a silent partner, contributing to your wellness cache without being outspoken about it, there’s no reason why bolder fungi can’t belly up to the bar.

Shiitake, The Original Flavor Enhancer

As we’ve discussed before, Sugimoto Shiitake are on a whole different level from the average spore. Rich with free glutamates that create an unmistakable savory flavor, it’s easy to leverage their inherent wealth of aroma and unique pungency to enhance any dish. The concept certainly doesn’t end when happy hour strikes.

When used properly, shiitake in any form elevates the subtle nuances in all the components that coalesce into a carefully curated, intentional eating or drinking experience. Like salt, it should never taste overtly salty (or mushroomy, in this case), but allow the other players to shine as their best, truest selves.

Why A Shiitake Cocktail Just Works

There’s real scientific evidence supporting the use of shiitake in mixology. To better understand why this pairing works, let’s break down the primary tasting notes:

  • Earthy
  • Woodsy
  • Oaky
  • Nutty
  • Leathery
  • Smoky

Remind you of anything else? Yes, whiskey is a match made in heaven for this umami infusion! That’s why my Umami Old Fashioned is a foolproof twist on the classic cocktail that will never let you down.

How To Make An Umami Old Fashioned

The classic old fashioned is one of the easiest cocktails you could pour. Just four ingredients stand between you and that first bold, bracing sip: whiskey, sugar, bitters, and orange peel. To add some extra umami into the equation, we need to factor in two more ingredients: dried shiitake and time.

  1. Begin by crumbling 1 large koshin shiitake cap into 2 ounces of bitters. Add 2 ounces of water, since the mushrooms will absorb some of that as they rehydrate. Cover and let sit for 24 hours in a dark, cool place. Strain out the shiitake pieces (which are brilliant in risottos or stews) and store the umami bitters in a bottle with a dropper.
  2. To make the cocktail itself, combine simple syrup and a few drops of umami bitters in a glass with 1 – 2 ice cubes. Simple syrup dissolves more easily than granulated sugar, and can be made with a simple ratio of 1 part sugar to 2 parts water. Simmer and then let cool in advance, storing it in a glass bottle at room temperature until ready to use.
  3. Add the whiskey and stir for about 30 seconds to combine. Pour into a clean glass with fresh ice. Twist a piece of orange peel over the top to release the essential oils before placing it in the glass.
  4. Completely optional, but if desired, garnish with a luxardo cherry; literally the cherry on top.

Better Bitters

Since a little bit goes a long way when we’re talking about bitters, even this small amount should last a good while. Don’t reserve your supply only for cocktails; it’s a rich flavoring agent for a wide range of cooking applications too. Consider incorporating it into:

  • Vinaigrette and other dressings
  • Pickles and preserves
  • Marinades
  • Soups and stews

Once you start sipping, you’ll never want to stock the bar without this secret ingredient again. Cheers, to a new fashioned Old Fashioned that can keep up with the times.

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Just Trolling

Horror is not my first genre of choice nor area of expertise. For that, you should really be following Video Creep, videographer, comedian, and horror professional. With his guidance, I’ve picked out the perfect entertainment for your Halloween evening: Troll 2.

What is Troll 2 about?

Described by some as the “best worst movie” and “most disrespected horror films in recent history,” Troll 2 is not going to keep you awake at night. It’s not even going to make you remotely uneasy. The basic premise is laughable right from the start, seeing as there are no trolls to be found during the entire 95-minute runtime, only goblins. It’s also worth noting that it has nothing to do with the preceding movie, Troll, which has only marginally better reviews.

Without spoiling anything, one of the key features is green goop being offered at every meal, which no one seems to find suspicious. Unfortunately, just one bite will turn people into their own sort of human sludge, which is then fed to the hungry goblins.

Naturally, it’s the food element that I find most captivating. Between the implausible story line and iconic acting, the goblin goop is a standout success in terms of execution. I didn’t pity the people that were dumb enough to miss all the warning signs and thoughtlessly indulge in their own demise. Quite the contrary, I envied the goblins; I’ll have what they’re having.

Join me in feeding your inner goblin with the finest human goo that plant-based ingredients have to offer. It’s every bit as nutritious as dissolved people, but without all the fat and gristle! Besides, no one has time for that kind of messy cleanup. Save yourself the hassle of ensnaring and poisoning your own middle class nuclear family, and let’s pull out the blender instead, shall we?

A base of frozen mango and banana creates a naturally sweet, creamy, and subtly tropical foundation for some bright spices. Turmeric adds a bold sunny yellow hue that harmonizes brilliantly with ginger and cinnamon. The real crowning jewel is the swirl of green goo, of course. This comes in the form of fluid gel made from green juice and agar.

What is a fluid gel?

Despite the fancy molecular gastronomy term, it’s really a very simple concept: Set any fluid with a thickener, then blend it to break down the structure into a substance that straddles the line between liquid and solid, AKA, goo.

What’s the best green juice?

You can make your own green juice from scratch, or buy bottled green juice at the grocery store. I’d suggest going with the latter for the sake of simplicity. A subtly sweet blend with a mix of fruits and vegetables is my preference here to pair with the smoothie itself, particularly if pineapple is involved. Top mainstream brands include:

At the heart of it, Troll 2 is a movie made for the plant-based crowd. The goblins were vegetarian, after all, so the only way they could enjoy their human feasts was by turning them into inert substance. Let’s raise a glass to these visionaries that were ahead of their time. Cheers, and Happy Halloween!

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