Meat Me In The Forest

Trees, barren and spindly, arms outstretched towards an empty sky, crowd in as if woven together. The trail begins to disappear, overtaken by their snaking roots. Darkness descends with a menacing weight, as each footstep takes you further and further from anything recognizable. Only thorns and sharp edges, throwing elbows to the face, welcome the intrusion. There’s no turning back because there’s no backwards or forwards at all. Only…

Abruptly, through the probing branches, lies a clearing with the moon beaming down a haunting spotlight. At the center stands a magnificent tree unlike all the others, charcoal bark ringed and lined with age, its limbs twisted like sourdough pretzels. More startling than the appearance of the tree itself, however, is was what hangs from it.

Cured meats.

Prosciutto, salami, pancetta, and pepperoni, perfumed with aromatic oils and glistening in the dappled light. Cheese cubes and lurid green olives beamed from the ends, skewered in place. It was a… Charcu-tree.

Tentatively stepping closer, lured in as if snared by an invisible fishing reel, it becomes clear that the smooth, round stones underneath are in fact, nothing of the sort. Picking one up, its becomes clear that this is a delicate rice cracker, toasted to a nutty, tawny brown finish, speckled lightly with sesame seeds. It’s impossible to put down, implausible to look away. Wouldn’t it be better to cover it with one of these cold cuts, waving so beguiling in the gentle breeze? But now that looks lonely with just one meaty strip, don’t you think? Go ahead, help yourself to a bit of cheddar, a briny olive; just a bit more wouldn’t hurt.

As long as you don’t plan on leaving this forest alive.

To make your own charcu-tree, all you need is a decorative plastic tree, or if you’re feeling industrious, a very clean branch from outside, stood upright in floral foam. Select 2 – 4 vegan cold cuts and drape them decoratively over the branches, tearing them into strips or shorter pieces as needed. Cut 1 – 2 vegan cheese blocks into cubes and skewer them on the ends. Finish with Castelvetrano olives skewered onto any remaining vacancies. Sprinkle crackers around the base and allow guests to assemble their own snacks, if they dare.

Hannah (BitterSweet)9 Comments

Wordless Wednesday: Fry Me to the Moon

Punch Bowl Social – Crispy Cauliflower Wings with Thai Chili Glaze
TarryTown Bar & Bistro – Fried Chicken Plate
YO! Sushi – Pumpkin Katsu
Nori – Vegetable Tempura
Nissi VegMex – Carne Asada Fries
Mission Burger Co. – Onion Rings
Makar’s Mash Bar – Lion’s Mane Bites
Luna’s Tacos – Fried Avocado
Ka-Prow Thai & Sushi Bistro – Tofu Lettuce Wraps
Desilicious Cafe – Onion Pakoda
Bodhi Viet Vegans – Crispy Sesame Balls

Hannah (BitterSweet)7 Comments

It’s Your Funeral

When in doubt, eat potatoes.

That’s the prevailing wisdom keeping Funeral Potatoes at the forefront of southern wakes. Despite the dire name, they’re not the cause of funerals, but solace for those attending them. Little more than a cheesy potato bake, they’re the epitome of comfort food. Simple flavors and soft, creamy textures make it easy to eat, especially for the bereft who may be struggling to find their usual appetite for life. Leftovers keep for days, reheat beautifully, and serve generously, which is why it’s also a favorite for meal trains, making sure everyone still eats when times are tough.

Chalk it up primarily to user error, but the first time I attempted a veganized, slightly healthier version of the concept, those poor potatoes needed their own funeral. It was essentially chunky potato soup in a casserole dish, sloshing dangerously against the sides of its ceramic coffin. Worse yet is the fact that after one bite, I knew they had died in vain. Bland as sin, unctuous in a bad way, delivering such a dish would only cause more grief rather than relieve it.

Back to the drawing board, using the basics as guidelines rather than rules, I created a version accidentally perfect for Halloween, decked out in brilliant orange and black. Sweet potatoes are the new featured spud, contrasted by the spicy kick of sriracha, enveloped in a creamy, cheesy foundation. Traditionally, corn flake cereal is sprinkled on top for a crunchy finish, but I wanted a more savory and substantial option, springing for crushed blue corn tortilla chips instead. Let’s be honest: the “blue” masa has always looked black, but it works in its favor here, at least when served as a festival fall feature.

You’ll want to be buried in these potatoes. They’re not quite spicy enough to raise the dead, but hopefully, at least buoy your spirits. Whether you’re mourning, celebrating, or just navigating the strange limbo of being alive, these potatoes are here for you.

Continue reading “It’s Your Funeral” →

Hannah (BitterSweet)2 Comments

Red Rum

Night fell in layers, each one heavier than the last, the overhead sky black as spilled ink overhead. Thunder cracked like a shotgun as I pulled the cake from the oven, its intoxicating aroma curling through the air, whispering sweet secrets all through the house. Somehow sinister, with a boozy undertone, it clung to the air like ghosts to a grudge.

Red velvet cake has a dark side, you know. It’s not all cheery hues of crimson, especially when you take a more natural approach. Baked as a bundt, it takes the shape of a crown, denoting where it falls in the cake hierarchy, or so it would like to believe. Hard edges fall away to dense, moist crumb within, scented with rum, cocoa, and vanilla, luminously red as freshly spilled blood.

Though tame compared to the edible gore of previous years, the wickedly vivid, high-gloss drizzle turned out even better than expected. While it sets to an almost invisible gloss around each crenelation, it bleeds into the cake’s center with theatrical flair. Slice right away and you’ll have a glistening scarlet pool that spills onto the plate.

Pair thick, soft slices with jet black coffee or spiced cider, though it really comes alive alongside a dark rum cocktail, echoing the warmth that hides just beneath its brooding exterior. It has a haunting warmth that burns low and slow; comforting, but also cautionary. Too much of it, and things start to blur around the edges.

All work and no play makes for a dull baker. When I invite you to indulge, I don’t just mean in sugar and flour. Bake something that stains the plate red. Bake something that bites back.

Continue reading “Red Rum” →

Hannah (BitterSweet)13 Comments

Wordless Wednesday: Pizza Face

Via 313 – Vegan Cheese Detroit-Style Pizza
Via 313 – Vegan Cheese Detroit-Style Pizza (Lunch Portion)
Via 313 – Vegan Cheese and Mushroom Detroit-Style Pizza
Pizza Twist – Plant-Based Tikka Masala Pizza
Pinthouse Pizza – Vegan Hoe Down Pizza
Jet’s Pizza – Detroit-Style Veggie Pizza, No Cheese
Café Largesse – Coca de Escalivada
Blaze Pizza – Cinnamon Bread
Via 313 – Hockey Sticks (Cinnamon Sugar)

Hannah (BitterSweet)5 Comments

Buckle Up, Peanut Butter Cup

Homemade Halloween candy is fun and all, but let’s be honest: there’s not a single trick-or-treater on the streets getting that kind of plunder. This stuff, the good stuff, is reserved for more appreciative palates. Let’s cut to the chase and make a treat just for us older children here. No finicky caramelization, no individual wrappers, just a supersized version of a classic that doesn’t hold back.

Hauntingly Delicious

Year after year, polls show that peanut butter cups are the runaway favorite candy for little goblins and gremlins to nab on their sugar-crazed stroll. Taking the #1 spot for at least 40 states, that’s the most unanimous vote to come from the US since George Washington’s election. Riding the coattails of that cult classic, my jumbo Crunchy Peanut Butter Cup Torte is intentionally designed to hit all those same crowd-pleasing, nostalgic flavor notes in a more shareable format.

At least, I really hope you’ll share. If a sleeve of standard cups could send the average child into a sugar-induced frenzy for a solid hour, more than one slice could rocket them straight to the moon. Dark chocolate ganache helps temper the sweetness, capping off a center of buttery peanut mousse, creating a dangerously balanced duo that could lure unsuspecting eaters into overindulgence. Crunchy peanut butter effortlessly adds a contrasting textural element to make every bite seem novel and exciting, only adding to the risk. Maybe I should have called it “Peanut Butter Peril Pie” instead? Catchy, yes, but descriptive, not so much.

A Slice Of Life

Classic peanut butter cups deserve that hat tip in the title. Beyond the helpful reference point, it’s hard to imagine Halloween without them. That said, hand out whatever you want for those wretched door knockers (potatoes are surprisingly popular, too); save these slices for the real party.

Continue reading “Buckle Up, Peanut Butter Cup” →

Hannah (BitterSweet)7 Comments