An Obsession with All Things Handmade and Home-Cooked

Lobster’s Revenge


I can’t imagine the life of a professional chef, suffering from a case of the Mondays. Thankfully, I’m not in this position and don’t see it happening any time soon, but just imagine it: Every day’s same thing. Orders come in, food gets cooked, people get fed. Surrounded by such monotony, day in and day out, it’s easy to see how any chef can become jaded by working the line. Even the most delicate and difficult tasks don’t quicken the heartbeat like they used to, and the food is nothing more than another thing, not a meal, not a work of art, and certainly not something that was once growing or alive. The distance and apathy this creates can wreak havoc in the kitchen, especially when even the task at hand doesn’t hold any meaning for the chef.

Such was the downfall of the Uncaring Chef. Swaggering about without a thought worth two cents, he only goes through the motions instead of paying attention to every new order. Lobster was on the menu, and while he found the giant bugs more creepy than intimidating, far be it from him to break the routine and make a fuss over dispatching them. Hastily dropping the live crustacean into a pot, the Uncaring Chef turned his back on the lobster’s painful death, and moved on to more pertinent issues, such as puffing on cigarettes and cursing like a sailor.

But little did he know, the lobster had not met its untimely demise after all- In his rush, the Uncaring Chef had forgotten to put a lid on the pot, and that sea critter was not happy at all about being par-cooked. Crawling out of harm’s way, it wasn’t long before the lobster found much more effective implements than his already sharp claws…

Lying in wait for the Careless Chef to return, this lucky creature would make sure he didn’t meet the same fate as those others already served as the daily special. No, that chef had better be careful… The tables have finally begun to turn.

Author: Hannah (BitterSweet)

Author of My Sweet Vegan, Vegan Desserts, Vegan a la Mode, and Easy as Vegan Pie.

46 thoughts on “Lobster’s Revenge

  1. This is the only kind of lobster i’d allow in my kitchen! I acutally have this pattern in a knitting book someone gave me a few months ago, but I haven’t learned to use it yet! :)

  2. Yay! Go lobster! Haha- I think your story for this little guy is adorable :)

  3. I just love the second shot of the lobster with the knife! Too cute.

  4. aw, he’s my little red hero!!!!!!!

    hooray for lobster revenge!

    (and that’s one sweet knife, too!)

  5. Hannah, I have no idea if you can share this pattern or not, if it’s an original or one you found but I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to make one for my mom, who lives in Bar Harbor, Maine – she would FLIP! It’s so cute. I was missing your little creations! :)

  6. Oh weird – now I see you have a link but my computer just won’t let me click on it!

  7. There seems to be no limit to your talents, Hannah! I wish I possessed a modicum of the creativity you do. Thanks for the great pics and story today!

  8. First of all, you should totally market this story to Stephen King – I see a new horror novel in your future!! :0)

    Also, were you in my kitchen!??!?!?! Your stove/countertop/backdrop is IDENTICAL to mine!!!

  9. haha This is so cute =)

  10. That lobster is adorable!!

    Anyway, I love your blog! I just wanted to say hello from a fellow CT vegan blogger!

  11. Very cute lobster! I wouldn’t want to eat it. lol

  12. Aw what a cute little lobster. :D Glad he could escape. ;)

  13. This is so lovely, Hannah.
    I have bought you a little something, but the Mail Service is on strike here… :(

  14. HAHAHA! That’s awesome.

  15. Excellent, funny and relevant story (and pictures) to show us your superb FO.

  16. LOL, great story! Loving the photos!

  17. I think this is my favorite BitterSweet post ever.

  18. LOL! This was great Hannah!

  19. I really like this post Hannah……. and yay for lobster!

  20. that lobster is so cute……love the story….you are so good at the stories!

  21. How adorable! I always look forward to your fantastic stories. =)

  22. how cuuute! also, i’m glad to hear you had a great time in portland! : )

  23. aw, a lobster with a gigantic knife is like, so heartwarming! ^_^
    (and your choco-doodles look awesome!)

  24. Lobster are seriously one of my favorite… animals(? Can you consider a lobster an animal? I don’t really have a list of favorite crustaceans, though) – ever since cooking class when I really saw them up close. When they’re out of water sometimes they just go to sleep, and it’s the cutest thing ever! My first shot at animal rights was refusing to split it – stab it in the chest then drag the knife all the way down the tail, so it can be filled with stuffing then steamed or baked. Everyone else in my class did it. It was terrifying.

    Just thought I’d share that little tidbit with you. As if you needed more incentive to swear the little darlings!! Oh lobsters, my dearest love…

  25. Kick his ass, sea bass! Er, little lobster!

    I love the tales of your critter kingdom.

  26. Cute but dangerous lobster ;)

  27. Oh how cute!

    and I finally got your book, I am so happy and excited. swoon.

  28. That lobster is sooo cute. I just love all the little creatures you come up with.

  29. that really is one cute lobster! Did you really knit it yourself from the instructions on the site you linked to?! you’re amazing.

  30. Fantastic photos!! The one with the lobster holding the knife is priceless — I laughed out loud!

  31. Sorry for the second post in a row but… you’re really talented! Do you sell your knitted beauties on Etsy?

  32. That is just too cute! Great backstory. *L*

  33. Hi!!

    I love it!! Really I liked it so much that I can’t help thinking about that relative honour of inspiration. If I’m on the role of the muse I demand more and more ;)



  34. That lobster really is too cute to cook! But has he turned to violence also? Nooooo! : )

  35. i love lobster! (umm the one pictured, not the animal. well i do love the animal and thats why i dont eat it) oh i give up, you get what I mean… that lobster is soo cute.

  36. Great story! I love the pictures :)

  37. Hehehe! The chef sounds Anthony Bourdain-esque. :-) You should collaborate with Hezbollah Tofu!

  38. This is soooooo cute! Lobster revenge!

  39. What a cute little guy (maybe not in real life, but this one sure is) and the story is great.
    No matter what the animal, thing, etc. we’re working on, it’s always turns out so cute in knit or crochet.

  40. Aw, such a sweet little story. Love the little lobster. I will think of this next week when I’m on Cape Cod trying to endure the lobster boil that my husbands family insists on having. Oh I am dreading it.

  41. Well you can’t really fault the lobster too much since he was fighting for his life. Still, I can understand why people become vegetarians- you never hear stories of carrots or broccoli being violent!

  42. This is so cute! You’re so talented and I love your sense of humor! It’s funny because I was reading in the morning about how to kill a lobster and now I found this! Lol!

  43. Thanks for the most entertaining post I’ve read this week! I just love the fantasy of the lobster kicking chef ass.

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