trompe l'oeil Archives

Eat Your Heart Out

They say that vegans can’t be cannibals but it’s all about consent for me. I’d happily offer my heart on a platter to the right person, and that’s certainly not cruel. Perhaps I show my love differently than most? At least I make my affection obvious.

Grand gestures aside, my heart really is delicious, if I do say so myself. Velvety braised red cabbage, shallot, and apple intertwine in a sweet and savory gel, firm and sliceable, perfect for serving atop a leafy salad. Whole fennel and coriander seeds add a bright, aromatic kick, of course, but also a delightfully unsettling crunch every now and then.

Bloody Good

Beets are great for reducing blood pressure, don’t you know? Perhaps that explains this blood red beet velouté running through my veins. Buttery, silky smooth, with ample umami and a surprising kick of spice, it’s rich enough to spoon up like soup. In fact, a double batch of blood with diced heart would make for a delightful hot stew.

Eat To Your Heart’s Content

Perhaps the heart looms large in our imaginations because it’s actually this delicious, and we’re all just afraid to find out. Well, here’s your chance: Indulge your darkest desires and serve yourself a hearty portion. I promise you’ll love it.

Few things are as consistent and predictable as ramen noodles. Dried, impervious to outside conditions for years, those shelf-stable strands taste the same on day one as they do on day one thousand. Tender and slippery, always salty, the savory flavor is a simple pleasure that everyone can appreciate. It’s a universal experience that seems to feed a hunger that isn’t always just a physical need. That’s the definition of comfort food; providing satisfaction on an emotional level.

Glistening as they float to the top of the cup, each glossy curl beckons, invoking a primal hunger even for those otherwise lacking an appetite. Such a familiar, nostalgic flavor promises the same instant gratification every single time. Before plunging in a fork, spoon or set of chopsticks, you already know exactly what you’re getting.

But wait, what is this trickery? Giving way like softly whipped cream, the seemingly plump noodles are not long and starchy at all! Beneath, where the should be soup, something more substantial awaits. Solid rather than liquid, this base seems to be fluffy, golden, and…

Cake? Make no mistake, this is definitely a sweet yellow cake, fragrant with notes of vanilla sugar, topped with silky cream cheese frosting!

April Fool’s!

As one who’s been burned a few times too many by ill-conceived and borderline malicious jokes, this is the only type of trick I’ll pull. I doubt anyone would actually be fooled, which makes it better, if you ask me. It’s a gentle trompe l’oeil, designed to delight rather than disgust. The ceramic cup noodle mug is what makes it more compelling, but it’s far from mandatory to get in on the fun.

You can easily make your own ramen cupcake by baking your favorite batter in any small oven-safe mug or bowl. Fill it only about halfway, since it will rise, and you still want space on top to add “noodles.” Baking time can vary greatly depending on the size, shape, and thickness of your vessel, so to make sure the cake is cooked all the way through, keep a close eye on your oven and test for doneness by inserting a toothpick into the center. When removed, there should only be a few moist crumbs clinging to the sides at most, and no raw batter.

Cool completely and apply your favorite white, beige, or light tan frosting using a piping bag fitted with a multi hole piping tip. For the finish touch, add a few tiny pieces of peeled and diced kiwi along with pomegranate arils to stand in for the token vegetables on top.

You don’t need a wicked sense of humor to appreciate such a harmless prank. Like ramen, cake of any kind is welcome on my table at all times.