Buffeted By The Buffet

Is there anything more American than a buffet? Endless opportunities, unlimited indulgences, and unrestrained gluttony at its finest. Should a metal chaffing dish ever grow empty, a new one will appear, bountiful and beguiling, ready for the next round. It’s an odd phenomenon that I find impossibly fascinating, representing a Venn diagram that overlaps between bliss and revulsion.

Do I really need another plate of fried miscellany, just because it’s there? How many more servings before I’ve gotten my money’s worth? How long has that unrefrigerated potato salad really been sitting out? Why do most buffets have abysmal health scores? Some things are best not thought about.

Despite all the ostentatious trappings of the modern American buffet, we can’t lay claim to their invention. The US is still a nascent country compared to the most of the world, all of which had a huge head start on culinary development. Though its reliably a realm for the wealthy to showcase their largess, it hasn’t always been about quantity over quality.

Scandinavians can reasonably take credit for the original concept dating back to the 16th century. Brännvinsbord were served as a pre-meal snack of cold items like cheeses, bread, and other small tapas-like dishes, set out for guests to help themselves while mixing and mingling. By the time the early 18th century rolled around, these appetizers were expanded into smörgåsbords, encompassing a full meal and including hot dishes as well. However, the term “buffet” itself originates from the French, in reference to the piece of furniture where food was displayed.

Its original European elegance has worn thin after many years overseas, evidenced by the proliferation of steam table mystery meats and troughs of limp, oily fries. I know that a buffet will never be a good idea, especially as a vegan who can only safely consume about 1/10th of the questionable wares on display, and yet, I’m drawn inexorably to them, like a moth to the flame. The culture of buffets is a whole separate dogma, drawing a different set of social norms and expectations, like a crazy microcosm of the worst of human behavior. The people watching is top-tier; worth the price of admission alone.

The food is bad, yes, but there’s so much of it, which makes it good! Prices are steeper than an a composed entree, but you get to eat far more than you’d comfortably like to, so it’s a bargain! I get trapped down these spiraling, conflicting thought patterns, fully aware and yet fully willing to take the plunge. Do I want to go to the buffet? Yes, of course. Do I want to eat at the buffet? No, please god, anything but that.

Though the buffet has faced steep criticism and near extinction during the COVID-19 pandemic, it continues on, regaining lost ground particularly in hotels, casinos, and similar tourist traps. It’s part of the American experience now, no matter how abjectly terrible that may be. Consider it entertainment more than a meal, and you may have a better experience.

Hannah (BitterSweet)1 Comment

Pour Choices

Though I may technically be an 80’s baby, I just barely made the cut, and by all accounts, I missed the best parts. I was still in diapers when big hair and even bigger shoulder pads were already going out of style; my memories begin not with neon excess or synth-soaked rebellion, but with their faded echoes. Through cultural osmosis, I gradually inherited the decade like a rumor, absorbing it secondhand through Reading Rainbow reruns and “oldies” radio stations. What I never got was a taste of the food, and more specifically, the school cafeteria fare.

Pourable Pizza, now the stuff of legends, never made it to my lunch tray. Served for a fleeting moment in time, the most cited recipe dates back to 1988. Though it sounds like genuine slop, the worst part is the name, since it’s simply composed of a liquid, no-knead dough that can be quickly and easily distributed between sheet pans and baked en masse. Topped with tomato sauce and copious amounts of cheese, the crust offered little resistance, both to tiny teeth and picky eaters. Was it the healthiest thing? No, but did we care in that era? Not really. You could claim it contained grains, vegetables, and dairy, which was good enough for the USDA.

Now, almost 40 years after that legacy was established and driven by anemoia, I’m inexorably drawn to such a foreign yet familiar concept. Surely, Pourable Pizza could never exist like this again, not in its original form, and still it lives on in the minds of many. Spurred on by cravings, boredom, and frugality, I decided to revise the concept for my fellow adult children.

My rendition is fiercely loyal to the title, adding a layer of pourable vegan cheese on top to seal the deal. Shredded mozzarella? Nah, we can do one better, leveraging the inherent richness of tahini and nutritional yeast to whip up a liquid topping for our liquid foundation. Now that I’m writing that out loud, is this the liquid lunch of our generation?

Whichever generation finds this and takes it in as their own, may it feed their memories with equal measures of comfort and curiosity. May it taste like recess you didn’t quite have, a past you only half remember, and a future that feels less rigid than the rules we grew up with. This isn’t an attempt to recreate history so much as to make peace with it, to ladle something soft and sustaining into the gaps where experience should have been. Even when the decade is borrowed, the memories aren’t quite your own, and the pizza is poured, the comfort is real, and that’s enough.

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Hannah (BitterSweet)10 Comments

Millet-ary Precision

History has not been kind to millet. Once one of the most crucial crops fueling human development and civilization across Africa, India, and Asia, it remains on the periphery of Western culture today. I’ll never forget the first time I sought out this pseudo-cereal to make a Macrobiotic recipe, only to be mocked for bringing “birdseed” to a potluck. Unfairly saddled with this reputation up until very recently, much like chia was once known only as fodder for terracotta planters, millet is poised for a big comeback.

Part of the problem is of accessibility. Absent from mainstream store shelves and basic bulk bin sections, Grand Teton Ancient Grains is helping to put millet back in the hands of cooks around the country. I’ll admit that millet fell off my radar until I saw it on their website, highlighted like a flashbulb memory, waiting to pick up the story right where I left it.

A Brief Overview of Millet’s Long History

Millet could have very well ruled the world. Cultivated somewhere between 8,000 to 10,000 years ago in Asia, it even pre-dates rice. It makes cameo appearances in religious texts, including the Old Testament and the Yajurveda in India, to give you a hint of its cultural significance. Once it spread to Europe, it was more common than wheat in the Middle Ages. Compared to other most whole grains, millet needs little water, scant nutrients in the soil, and is resistant to many pests both in the field and during storage.

Why, then, did it fall out of favor so precipitously? We can thank colonialism and capitalism. Western powers pushed for more wheat, rice, and corn, throwing subsidies their way to help with research and industrialization. As more processed grain products were developed, millet was left behind, giving it a reputation of being old-fashioned or food for the poor; those who couldn’t afford luxuries like sliced white bread.

What is Millet?

Though generally viewed and treated like a whole grain, millet is technically a seed. Botanically speaking, it belongs to the Poaceae family, commonly known as the grass family. There are as many as 6,000 types of millet, differing in size, color, and flavor. Pearl millet is the variety most commonly produced for human consumption globally, though there’s far greater diversity, in India especially.

Curried Millet Pulao

“Millet” is actually a broad, catch-all term for a group of small-seeded grasses cultivated for food. Common varieties include foxtail, finger, and proso (which is what Grand Teton Ancient Grains offers), just to name a few, each with its own culinary uses and regional importance. In general, millet seeds are small, round, and can range in color from pale yellow to deep red or even gray.

What unites them is less their exact botanical classification and more their shared characteristics: they are hardy, fast-growing crops that thrive in dry conditions and poor soils, making them especially important in regions prone to drought. When cooked, millet typically has a mild, slightly nutty flavor that’s reminiscent of cornmeal, and a texture that can vary from fluffy and grain-like to creamy, depending on how it’s prepared.

Strawberry Millet Pudding

Multitudinous Uses For Millet

Millet’s versatility is a big reason why it’s remained vital across so many different cultures and eras. Depending on the cooking method, it can be light and fluffy like couscous, or soft and creamy like polenta, neutral enough in flavor to be adaptable to both savory and sweet preparations.

Across the world, millet is deeply embedded in traditional cuisines.

  • In West Africa, it is used to make thick porridges and dishes like hausa koko and couscous-style preparations. In the Horn of Africa, though teff is the most famous base, millet can also be fermented into injera, the spongy flatbread that underpins many meals.
  • In India, a wide range of millets are still used to prepare everyday staples such as roti, dosa, and idly. Millet khichdi and upma are classic comfort foods that are often enjoyed for breakfast especially in rural and regional cooking.
  • In China, millet has long been used for congee instead of rice, and for brewing baijiu, a distilled spirit that dates back to the 1500s.

In more modern contexts, millet has been gaining attention as a highly nutritious and gluten-free ingredient.

  • It’s increasingly used in baked goods like breads, muffins, cereals, and crackers, either as whole seeds, rolled into flakes, puffed, or ground into flour.
  • Some brewers have also begun tapping millet as an alternative to wheat in creating gluten-free beers.
  • In the home kitchen, it’s stellar for making quick pilafs, adding to soups and stews, salads, and stir fries.
  • Many pediatricians recommend millet as a baby’s first solid food for its soft texture and easy digestibility.

Breakfast Millet Porridge with Cinnamon and Raisins

Millet’s Nutritional Highlights

Nutritionally, millet punches well above its weight. Because you’re eating the whole seed, you get the full complement of fiber and complex carbs that digest slowly. Rich in magnesium, phosphorus, and iron, some varieties are also especially high in calcium, which is unusual for grains. Since it’s naturally gluten-free, it’s a great option for people with Celiac disease or anyone looking for wheat-free options.

How To Cook Millet

Where millet loses most modern consumers is in the cooking. On the plus side, it cooks incredibly fast, but on the downside, it can just as quickly turn to mush. Sometimes that’s the goal, for creamy purees and puddings, but most Americans like their grains separate, fluffy, and distinct. Further complicating matters is that the different varieties of millet DO cook differently; it may take some trial and error to achieve the perfect ratio of water and time to make your ideal millet. Speaking specifically for cooking with Grand Teton Ancient Grains white millet, here’s what I do:

  1. Start by rinsing the millet under cool water. For the best flavor, toast the drained millet in a dry saucepan over medium heat for a few minutes, stirring frequently, until it smells lightly nutty. This step is optional, but it gives the finished dish a deeper, more complex taste.
  2. From there, add liquid; about 2 cups of water or broth for every 1 cup of millet, and a pinch of salt. Bring it to a boil, then lower the heat, cover, and simmer gently for about 15 minutes. Once the liquid has absorbed, remove it from the heat and let it sit, covered, for another 5 minutes. Fluff with a fork before serving.
  3. If you’d rather a creamy porridge consistency, increase the liquid to 3 – 5 cups, and cook for 20 – 25 minutes. In either case, there’s no need to pull out your pressure cooker, since it’s a breeze to make on the stove top, even without soaking in advance, like many harder grains would require.

Millet Polenta with Beefless Stew

Millet: The Whole Enchilada

Reinvigorated by the fresh inspiration that only a 5-pound bag of Grand Teton Ancient Grains millet can provide, my head was spinning with possibilities. What about millet-stuffed cabbage, peppers, or zucchini? I though I was being creative with a truly ground-breaking experiment, but in fact, someone beat me to the idea of making millet-based vegan cheese. Instead of driving myself crazy with the endless possibilities outstretched before me, it all clicked when I wasn’t trying to be remotely innovative. I was just tired, hungry, and thought “millet skillet” would be fun to say.

Simmered in enchilada sauce alongside a battery of sautéed fresh vegetables, this Enchilada Millet Skillet gives you the full sabor of the Mexican specialty, all in one pan. Forget about rolling tortillas and start setting the table, ASAP, because this beauty will be done in roughly minutes. Any dish instantly becomes more appealing when smothered in melted cheese, making this a surefire way to get a hearty helping of millet into your regular meal plan rotation.

If You Will It, You Can Millet

Millet defies the odds. Once revered, then relegated to birdseed, its star is beginning to rise once again. In a time when resilience, sustainability, and nutrition matter more than ever, millet checks all the boxes. Finding its way back onto our plates with renewed vigor, it brings with it centuries of history and endless possibilities for the future… Especially, for your next mouthwatering meal.

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Hannah (BitterSweet)7 Comments

Fear The Reaper

If you’ve ever looked at molten lava and thought, “dang, that looks tasty!” then the Carolina Reaper is the pepper for you. Specifically engineered over the course of 10 years to be hot enough to strip the paint off your car, these chilies are no joke. For all the hype and hyperbole, they are every bit as hot, if not hotter, than you would think. Ranging from 1.6 – 2.2 million Scoville Heat Units, they don’t just taste like fire, they taste like napalm. It’s a burn that you can’t escape, that engulfs you from the inside out. Even for someone that can’t get enough of spicy food, this would put them over their limit with just the tiniest bite.

Second Hottest Pepper on the Planet

For many years, the Carolina Reaper was officially certified as the world’s hottest chili pepper, only to be stripped of the title by Pepper X in 2023. Regardless, this gnarled, blood-red fruit is every bit as dangerous as before. They have, in fact, sent people to the hospital. Under no circumstances would I suggest actually taking a chop out of one, even in minute amounts. Agony is the mildest way to describe the sensation.

Who Hurt You?

Somehow, I came to find a handful of these delightful little warheads in my possession. I like spicy food just fine, but I also enjoy retaining use of all my senses, so I had a reasonable amount of fear when considering how to dispatch them. Your only options for using Carolina Reapers are either making hot sauce or pesticide. They’re not quite at the level of bear repellent spray, though I think you could still do some serious damage to a would-be attacker if you bottled the puree. At a certain point in the process, “hot sauce” started sounding (and feeling) like “hurt sauce,” as a more accurate descriptor.

Proceed with Caution

If I haven’t scared you off yet, keep in mind some safety precautions specific to this prep:

  • Use gloves when handling the peppers.
  • Wash your hands, even after wearing gloves.
  • DO NOT! TOUCH! YOUR FACE! (Or other sensitive areas, if you know what I mean.)
  • Open the windows while roasting the peppers.
  • Run the fans on the oven hood.
  • Let your pets outside.
  • Maybe you should stand outside, too. Just don’t go far and keep a timer on that oven.

Fire Power

Flavor is secondary to the fire power of this sauce. Use the tiniest amount if you want to taste the food underneath, starting at 1/4 teaspoon for an entire bowlful, if not potful, of chili, for example. Don’t worry, it will still deliver a searing burn at that dosage. This one is only for the insane spice fiends, always diluted in food, and by all means, not to be underestimated.

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Hannah (BitterSweet)4 Comments