Ever eat so much that it feels like you’re pregnant with a humpback whale, you’ve been filled up with cotton and polyester like a soft toy, you can’t even move because you’re so stuffed but can’t remain sitting up straight due to the strain on your back from that bloated belly hanging past your knees? That’s how I feel right now, and I blame it all on Trader Joe’s. Yes, I adore the place and all of their wonderful creations, but at this moment, I’m cursing their name in between hiccups and burps. They just had to come out with a special holiday edition of their already delectable Joe-Joe’s, including pieces of real crushed candy canes no less, and then flaunt those festive red-striped boxes right in front of my nose? The nerve! Listen to me, my dear readers: Do not buy the Candy Cane Joe-Joe’s, whatever you do! Otherwise you’ll attempt crazy stunts like eating the entire box in one sitting, and you too will develop a terribly tummy ache, inconsolably gurgly and burbly with saccharine holiday cheer. I have no pictures for you because… Well… I think you can guess where all the cookies are at this point.

Take my word for it, these cookies are so incredibly addictive, you won’t be able to stop at 1, or 10, for that matter, so don’t even think about tossing them into your cart!

Sorry to make this so short, but I can feel the sugar coma coming any minute now, so if you would excuse me…